Clearing my conscience

I have a confession. One that’s really hard for me to admit and put out there because everyone will now know the truth…

Someway somehow many many people got the impression that I know about every single gun that’s been made. People come to me, asking about guns, telling me about THEIR guns and look to me for advice, tips, pointers and thoughts when in all actuality, I know about 4 gun types. 4.

Remington 870 shotgun
Smith and Wesson 38 revolver
Ruger Mini 14 rifle
H&K P2000 sk 40cal handgun

There you have it. Let’s get more honest. I only {expertly} know about the mini 14 and revolver, and that’s because I was trained extensively on them both. I know them inside and out. I know the shotgun one step down from expertly and the handgun…my own, I just “know”.

Here’s another thing. Guns…specifically handguns, make my palms sweat. Without fail. I have to wear gloves when I’m qualifying mine. The shooting range thought I was crazy, even saying they had never seen anyone having to wear gloves, but guys, as much of a gun enthusiast as I am, they make me nervous. You never point your gun at anything unless you intend to shoot it, right?? That’s what you’re told over and over again, and thankfully, I’ve never pointed my guns at a person.

I’ve come close. Had it in my hands ready to raise, but never had to fully commit. But just the thought of it, even when shooting at a target, has my palms sweat.

But I feel bad. I feel bad when people (and its several) reach out to me asking which guns to buy, or asking if the gun they just bought was a good one. They tell me the type and I say, ‘oh yeah, sure, that’s a great one!’ when heck, I’ve never heard of it before. And I really just wanna say… ‘you got a gun.. that’s great enough! go out and have you some responsible fun!’

People have suggested I start my own business where I train, teach, give classes to women on gun safety, shooting, and run a weekend ‘retreat’ of sorts for women focusing on all things guns and I stare blankly at them and think how did they ever come up with that!?

I’m flattered. I am. Could I train women (or anyone) on how to properly shoot? Of course. I was certified to do just that, but I feel like such a fake when everyone seeks me out and excitedly hands me their gun to check out.

So, there you have it. It’s with a lot of trepidation that I’m even admitting this. Maybe it’s silly to some, but it’s the equivalent to someone being sought after for medical advice when they never actually completed med school…but feel obligated to keep answering everyone’s questions.

So, if you’re one who’s emailed, called, texted, talked or showed me your guns, I’m flattered. But seriously, unless it’s about those 4 guns above, I got nothin’ for ya.

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Shoot ‘um up

Its well known around these parts that I have guns…if you’re new, I uh have guns.

Ok, now that’s been established.

For the past couple years, I never had the need to carry my handgun with me, so I never bothered getting up to date on my qualification for my conceal/carry permit. Since my retirement, I needed to go back to the prison, show I’m current on my card, have them submit the paperwork and get a new i.d. with the ‘yes’ box checked to carry.

Its actually a very simple process for me. This was all arranged in October of last year. I told the woman I’d be there in November to pick up the paperwork with proof that I can still shoot.

Fast forward to June and I still hadn’t picked up the paperwork.

I called her and after saying who I was and why I was calling, she stated, ‘is this the paperwork you said you’d pick up in November??’ blast! she remembered! But I was happy she remembered who I was, despite the fact I didn’t follow through 7 months ago. After assuring her I was coming in Tuesday, (which I did) I had to make sure I qualified over the weekend.

To the shooting rage I went!

here’s a little insight to me. I still get nervous. It’s a gun! So my adrenaline gets to pumping, my hands begin to sweat and I look a wee bit sloppy at first…especially when I know I’m being watched. {which I was.} They have to watch me when I qualify and I no likey.

I passed with flying colors, I say ever so humbly. After turning in my target, I headed back in to have some fun with my friend.


It sure was a lot of fun once the nerves calmed down. Though, as you saw, I have to wear gloves most of the time since my hands get sweaty which makes it hard to grip the gun. Which I ended up putting on right after she took the pictures. I have to love the owner of the shooting range saying I’m the first person he’s ever seen ever who needed gloves.

Thanks for making me feel more less awkward…

Do you ever get to make it to a shooting range or get out to shoot?

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When the situation calls for a gun

Guns do come in handy sometimes. I have footage of a C/O (correctional officer) sitting on his front steps with his girlfriend when a guy walks by real slow, stops right in front of them and shoots the C/O at point blank range. Fortunately for the C/O the guy was a horrible shot and got him in his foot. Unfortunately for the guy, the C/O had his gun and shot and killed him.

~ ~ There’s been few instances where I’ve needed to grab a gun.

Working up in a ‘booth’ watching a very dangerous inmate getting escorted back to his cell, when he turned on the cop and began a heated argument. There I stood with 2 weapons in my hands to use. A launcher that shoots less lethal rounds and the rifle that shoots lethal.

Thankfully I didn’t have to use either but it was the closest I came at work to using one.

Another time I was driving down a highway, coming upon a red light, when a car full of ‘questionable’ guys comes along side me. I had my gun put away in its case, but pulled it out and set it next to me because I had such an odd feeling with them.

And then there was just last week.

Hanging out watching tv one night, when I get a loud knock on my door. Its after 8pm and its dark outside. No one and I mean no one knocks on my door at night. I asked through the door, ‘who is it?’ and a guy answers that he’s giving away free newspapers. {…at 8:15 at night..right.} I told him, ‘no thank you.’ He says, ‘you don’t want a free newspaper??’ All I say is, ‘thank you, no’ and I hear him mutter something to another guy as he walks away.

I stand there for a second thinking it over and immediately grab my shotgun from my room.

They didn’t knock on any of my neighbor’s doors. Just mine.

My mind works in funny ways. I didn’t peek through the blinds to get a look at them, because the light was on my back and they would’ve seen me seeing them.

I didn’t think to call the cops to report suspicious activity in my area.

I didn’t think to double check my locks until after I grabbed the gun. {they were locked, by the way}

All I did was walk in the back room, grab my gun and take it off of safety to have it ready in case I needed to use it.

I even slept fine that night. I debated locking my bedroom door, but didn’t. My guns were by my side the whole night and have been since. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d opened my door. I’m a suspicious person by nature and can imagine the absolute worse but thankfully I have the mind to know when something just isn’t right.

I hope you have that mind too. It isn’t always the wisest to grab your gun but rather call the cops if someone is lurking around your home or if you hear something suspicious. They say robbers know to make one sound only because often times if we hear a crash {like glass breaking} we’ll pause what we’re doing to see if we hear the sound again. And when we don’t, we continue on, thinking we ‘were hearing things’.

So don’t count out what you heard. Proceed with your safety in mind. If all else fails, call the cops and say ‘this is not an emergency’ first before describing the reason for your call. I do wish I’d peeked to see what they looked like, I do wish I’d called the cops so they’d drive around, but I chose to be Jane Wayne instead.

It worked this time, but that’s not to say it will the next.

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A moment of pandemonium

Is that possible? To only have a moment? Its like when there’s a riot in a prison. Its not a “riot” it’s a “maylay” if there’s only 2-6 ish fighting. But let me tell you…if there’s 2-6 fighting, you can bet your bottom dollar there will be more, so therefore it’s a riot.

Any way, completely got off on that. sorry

Since I live in this fine (and I use that term sooo unbelievably loosely) state that is California, I cannot get my coffee shipped to me, that I normally get sent every 3-4 months.

I’m sure you just had 3 questions pop into your head, so let me see if I can nail them for you:

1. You seriously get your coffee shipped to you? Are you that much of a coffee snob?
- and the answer is, yes! Of course I do and of course I am! In my humbly snobby opinion, it comes best from the company directly.

2. What is this coffee you claim is so great you have to have shipped?
- Dunkin Donuts. Only Dunkin Donuts. Starbucks has become the most disgusting bitter coffee I’ve ever ingested since having my refined pallet take in the nectar that is Dunkin Donuts.

3. California is great, what are you talking about you can’t have your coffee shipped to you?
- well friends, let me tell you. Thanks to CA forcing every business to test all of their products for a ‘cancer causing chemical’ many many companies have ceased shipping into CA until its all been cleared.

This is crap! And it infuriated me to no end. Especially when I was down to a 1/2 a bag of coffee and knew I’d be out completely the moment G-man arrived. Hence the growing pandemonium. I started to seek out friends in other states where I could easily ship to them and have them mail it to me, but thankfully G-man was in Dallas before he visited me and loaded.me.up!!


I strongly dislike this state. So strongly that I will spit out the word hate. I love everything about this state and all that it offers. <contradict much?> Who else can say they have beautiful beaches on one side and gorgeous snow topped mountains on the other? This state has everything a person would want and more but its ran so horribly that I want nothing more to run screaming far far away. They hate the ‘people’ here and are doing everything possible to run them in the ground.

I didn’t mean to get on a CA rant but they’re denying me my coffee and them are fightin’ terms, in my eyes!

As many are saying around these parts, we’re all just about ready to take up arms and get back what’s being taken away from us. <of course they’re talking about the water getting shut off thanks to a man planted fish…not my coffee>
                                                                  I’m ready!


Ok, I thought these were perfect..the whole ‘arming up’ comment and all. This was during the time I was working at the temporary facility when I first met G-man.

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I’m thankful for 32

AH! What a weekend. I’m still recovering from it! It was a crazy boozing it up kind of weekend. Ok, not really, I’m not a boozer. But it was a very busy busy weekend for me that I’m still yawning over.

I’m thankful for:

- playing photographer to my sweet friend and her newborn. It was my 1st ever actual photo shoot…that didn’t involve fruit and I have to admit, it wasn’t easy. at all! I know some have asked to see them, and I promise I will show a few once they’re all good and ready…but soon.

- my skin clearing. I know its bad when I tell my friend the name of what I have and she texts back saying, ‘how yuk! The online description sounds terrible.’ …ah, thank you friend for your unabashed honesty. It was yuck..a yuck I dealt with for 8 months since I thought I could ‘treat’ it on my own. Silly me.

- waking up at 3am thinking someone was climbing into my bed only to realize it was my dream instead. A very very bad dream. {in the dream} the guy was about to kill me. Yep, awesome.

- finally bringing my gun back into my bedroom from the living room. {yes, I have a gun..more than one. yes, I had it in the living room for awhile…} After that dream, I knew I needed to bring it back for peace of mind.

- winning Sam’s giveaway. I’m pretty darn happy about it and she really is the sweetest ever. She has killer recipes too, if you don’t know Sam, you have to go meet her.

- a great weekend with my mom and sister. It was chaotic and stressful but so much fun.

- my whiteboard on my fridge that gets me through my ‘want to be down’ moments. Every time I see this, I start singing the song and can’t help but get upbeat.


You know this song, right?

Yes, I sing this, almost all day long I sing this. And because I know you want a livelier version, here’s a cat’s version. You’re welcome.

Your turn. What song do you sing to keep your spirits up? Its ok, you can be honest, this is a circle of trust, here.

ooohh, stay tuned tomorrow. I’m telling a little story you may or may not just like. Some have asked for it, all have secretly longed for it <some may not be aware of their longing, just yet>, so come on back tomorrow to get your fix. = ) Pin It Now!

Have you ever

Today’s my last day with the doggies…and cat. Well, sorta. I agreed to go back over the weekend while she’s out. But this ends my week with them. It’s bittersweet.

Have you ever rode a 4 wheeler to and from school for 2 weeks straight?
- Yes, does this make me a hick? I did live on a farm miles from town. I was 14 and my parents drove my sister cross country to college so my brother rode his dirt bike and I got the 4 wheeler. And for the record: it’s 4 wheeler, not quad!

Have you ever almost passed out while shooting a shotgun?
- Yes, I was in a 2 weeks weapons training and we had fired nearly 100 shotgun rounds and I had a major celebration the night before that might have involved some ‘dehydrating beverages’ and missed breakfast. So add together the beverages, skipped breakfast, heavy emotions and pressure to shoot accurately in a line of men (can we say, only female?) that it all caught up to me.

I had to turn, get another’s attention telling him he had to take the gun before I dropped. He grabbed it quickly and they led me to a rock to sit and gave me water. They said I looked like death. –gee thanks.

I went to the restroom since my body wasn’t happy (er, sorry for the tmi) and took my time in there. I kept my ears in, from the noise of the gunfire and didn’t realize they were banging on the bathroom door to see if I was ok. Once I heard, I said I’d be out in a few. As I step out, I’m met by the fire captains/paramedics wanting to check my vitals. They feared I had passed out in the bathroom and were about to break down the door (since I wasn’t responding)…can you imagine??? Me sitting there as they barge in? I would have been mortified!

What tops it all off, they announced over the ENTIRE institutional radio, read: 500 officers and higher + all the non custody; that “We have an Officer down at the range. We need medical attention.” That just made me even more embarrassed.


this is my baby, Remington 870 pump action shotgun. It’s best if you steer clear of my home.

Have you ever had to say Orthochlorbenzalmalononitrile, Hexachloroethane, Chloroacetophenone and Oleoresin Capsicum and know what each one means and how it effects a body?
- Yes, All but HC are gasses that will absolutely make you miserable when exposed. And when I say miserable, I mean you’re physically, mentally and emotionally tortured. Some believe they’ll actually die. And yes, I’ve been fully exposed multiple times to each and every one of them…maybe that’s why I’m a little off. hhmmm

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