Why you should memorize your license plate

Because if you don’t, while driving through a very bad part of town at 11pm on a Friday night, looking for a gas station {as you’re about to be out of gas}, you’ll hear a “pop” and notice you have a warning light on on your dash.

Which will cause you to drive even deeper into the very bad part of town praying to find a gas station soon, though you notice its only serving to keep you in the housing development.

You’ll be forced to pull over in front of dimly lit apartments and houses because your car is wobbling too much from the blown tire and you’re unwilling to risk driving anymore on it. And while you’re on the phone with AAA, they’ll ask you what your license plate number is and no matter how many times you’ve attempted to learn it, its never stuck and you’re forced to get out of your car to walk to the back to read it to them.

Which will lead to the questionable seedy black man, who’s walking down the other side of the 4 lane road {at 11pm} to see you on your phone, at the back of your car, to cross the 4 lane street in order to “get a better look”. This will prompt you to get back in your car, locking the doors {but darn if the dome light still stays on}, while explaining to AAA that you are in fact in a very bad part of town and that the man is now hovering by your passenger door “waiting” for you to get off the phone.

As you continue to talk to AAA, he’ll back up to watch you through your windshield as he leans against the wall, lighting his cigarette, showing he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. The AAA agent will then ask you to give your exact location, which you can’t give because you don’t know where you are, and you don’t want to turn your GPS on as it will illuminate the inside of your car, making everything that’s in it, visible to the guy smoking his cigarette, watching you. This will naturally prompt you to declare to the AAA agent that you don’t care what it will do to your car, you’ll be driving down the road in order to get away from him.

Once your car is started, the guy will start waving for you to stop, which will make you give a “do I have stupid written on my forehead??” wave right back as you slowly drive away. A measly 2 1/2 blocks later, you pull over near a stop light, in a mildly more visible area, and give your exact location.

5 minutes later, they’ll ask if you want them to call the police to come sit with you since it’ll be up to a 45 minutes wait and you causally mention that you ‘wouldn’t mind that one bit.’ And you will sit there…and sit there..for 15 minutes before the cop arrives. He’ll confirm that you are indeed in a very bad part of town and points out that 2 blocks straight is a prostitution house. And he’ll also point out that there’s not a gas station that he would advise you to go to anywhere near your current location.

As you joke around with the cop, AAA will finally show up to fix your tire, and you thank God that your boyfriend bought a 5th tire as a spare 2 years ago instead of an actual spare.


The cop will escort you to a safe gas station, wait while you pump, point you in the direction to get back home, shake your hand and drive away..

And you drive home.. but not without thinking that all the extra drama could have been avoided had you just memorized your license plate!

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Like two peas in a pod

Oh my gosh guys, I have to tell you this story in light of yesterday’s post!

I could seriously do a post a day for a whole month on cop stories..not prison stories, but cop-getting pulled over or about to-stories. I have that many of them…

be jealous

But I remembered this one last night and felt it was a must to share because it’s a G-man story.

Remember him? Yeah, haven’t talked about him much lately, but he’s still around…just 3,000+ miles away “around” so no point in talking about my boo-hoos of long distance, hence the quiet about that lately.

oh, how I miss that arm…


Anyhoo, on our first (but really) second date, if you remember we went to San Francisco (feel free to catch up if you need) and on our way there, over an hour into our drive, things were going great. We were in the bay area where traffic was heavy and lanes were plentiful. Off in the distance, I saw a chippy and said so. Then saw another on the side w/an unfortunate driver.

But we didn’t see the other one until the last minute and he was already getting back into traffic and quickly picking up speed behind us.

My first thought, as is always my first thought when I see a cop coming up from behind, is to concede. Slow down to the ‘general’ speed limit and hope he doesn’t get behind me.

Now G-man had a cooompletely different thought.

He doesn’t slow down, but keeps his (pretty fast speed) and finds the nearest exit.
the. nearest. exit!

I was sitting in the passenger thinking, what in the world is this guy doing?! He took the ‘eluding the cop’ to a whole new level by running “scared” (in my opinion) and finding a place to hide so the cop couldn’t find him. I can’t even tell you how much of a hard time I was giving him. I didn’t care it was only our 2nd date, I made it known I thought he was insane for running to hide.

yes, one of my finer moments

Eventually we got back on the freeway. The cop wasn’t coming for us, which only led me to tease him more for his actions, but to this day I laugh at his method of getting out of a ticket. We all have our ways, I suppose. Mine generally were saying I had my weapon in the car or being in my uniform, or flashing that smile of mine (what can I say)…I realize these instances were post pull over vs the pre…but its all the same.

I guess we make a good pair, though.
On 1 hand you have me…who’s had a cop believe I was leading him on a high speed chase for 11 miles before pulling over.
and on the other, you have G-man…who gets pulled over for ever so gently saying to a cop (as the cop was passing G-man(who rightfully was going the proper speed)) ‘you gotta be kidding me!’.

We’re quite the pair, we are…and that’s why you gotta love us.

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Bring you up to “speed”

I can’t say what it is, but something about eluding a cop makes me all sorts of happy.

On my way to work the other day, I went to pass a car on a back road 2 lane highway, and as I’m gunning it, getting right along side her, I see faaaaaar off on the horizon a black car with a white top coming toward us.

It can only mean 1 thing: CHP. I slam on my brakes, get back behind her and go the slow slow speed, waiting for him to drive past.via lolsotrue

As he does, I have this huge smile on my face as he stares me down. I started to laugh right then. He can’t get me, I’m going the speed limit… I was doing the whole, ‘he ain’t got nothin’ on me!’ thing, when he flips a U behind me. At this point I’m talking to myself. ‘I don’t know what he’s doing…he can’t pull me over…I did nothing wrong…let’s see him try…’ and after 2 minutes of this, he turns down a road. But the whole rest of the way, I was convinced! he was tracking me.

Which he wasn’t…

I love eluding cops! Its such a victorious feeling.

Moving on – over a week ago, a co worker of mine, who’s in no way a friend, acquaintance or will ever be for that matter; called me “Em”. I did a double take when she said this, thinking who does she think she is calling me a nickname?? It was odd and in truth, made me a little uncomfortable. I barely have my friends call me Em, let alone a virtual stranger who didn’t seek my permission.

If you ever get an email from me, you’ll see I sign it “Em” but that’s only because I’m too lazy to type the full Emily over and over again…

Any way, fast forward to last Thursday, walking through the office, another co worker calls me Em. I stopped and asked her why she was calling me that and she said a co worker who has authority in the office, told EVERYONE in their sales meeting that I want to be called Em…or “M” as they’re saying.

I never said this!! Now everyone is calling me Em and I can’t even tell you how annoying it is. Its so bizarre!

In other news – My wonderful mom brought to my attention, after my forgetful post, that I was in a head on collision. Head vs windshield and the windshield won, which could very well explain why I can’t remember my childhood, not to mention my 19-20 year since it happened when I was 18.

But after she pointed that out, I remembered all my head injuries I’ve had. I’ve had 2 medically confirmed concussions, but I’ve probably had a total of 3..maybe 4. This makes complete sense why a lot of my memory has faded. My head is all screwed up!

Is it weird I’m a little relieved we figured it out?

Thus concludes a random post by yours truly.

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When the situation calls for a gun

Guns do come in handy sometimes. I have footage of a C/O (correctional officer) sitting on his front steps with his girlfriend when a guy walks by real slow, stops right in front of them and shoots the C/O at point blank range. Fortunately for the C/O the guy was a horrible shot and got him in his foot. Unfortunately for the guy, the C/O had his gun and shot and killed him.

~ ~ There’s been few instances where I’ve needed to grab a gun.

Working up in a ‘booth’ watching a very dangerous inmate getting escorted back to his cell, when he turned on the cop and began a heated argument. There I stood with 2 weapons in my hands to use. A launcher that shoots less lethal rounds and the rifle that shoots lethal.

Thankfully I didn’t have to use either but it was the closest I came at work to using one.

Another time I was driving down a highway, coming upon a red light, when a car full of ‘questionable’ guys comes along side me. I had my gun put away in its case, but pulled it out and set it next to me because I had such an odd feeling with them.

And then there was just last week.

Hanging out watching tv one night, when I get a loud knock on my door. Its after 8pm and its dark outside. No one and I mean no one knocks on my door at night. I asked through the door, ‘who is it?’ and a guy answers that he’s giving away free newspapers. {…at 8:15 at night..right.} I told him, ‘no thank you.’ He says, ‘you don’t want a free newspaper??’ All I say is, ‘thank you, no’ and I hear him mutter something to another guy as he walks away.

I stand there for a second thinking it over and immediately grab my shotgun from my room.

They didn’t knock on any of my neighbor’s doors. Just mine.

My mind works in funny ways. I didn’t peek through the blinds to get a look at them, because the light was on my back and they would’ve seen me seeing them.

I didn’t think to call the cops to report suspicious activity in my area.

I didn’t think to double check my locks until after I grabbed the gun. {they were locked, by the way}

All I did was walk in the back room, grab my gun and take it off of safety to have it ready in case I needed to use it.

I even slept fine that night. I debated locking my bedroom door, but didn’t. My guns were by my side the whole night and have been since. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d opened my door. I’m a suspicious person by nature and can imagine the absolute worse but thankfully I have the mind to know when something just isn’t right.

I hope you have that mind too. It isn’t always the wisest to grab your gun but rather call the cops if someone is lurking around your home or if you hear something suspicious. They say robbers know to make one sound only because often times if we hear a crash {like glass breaking} we’ll pause what we’re doing to see if we hear the sound again. And when we don’t, we continue on, thinking we ‘were hearing things’.

So don’t count out what you heard. Proceed with your safety in mind. If all else fails, call the cops and say ‘this is not an emergency’ first before describing the reason for your call. I do wish I’d peeked to see what they looked like, I do wish I’d called the cops so they’d drive around, but I chose to be Jane Wayne instead.

It worked this time, but that’s not to say it will the next.

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Call the police!

Alert the media, we need this to go global!

Have you seen these shoes?!?

They’ve been missing for 27 days. People, we’re at Defcon 5 here! We. need. to. find. THESE SHOES!! Here’s my police report.

On Friday, June 24th, at approximately 0545 hours, I, Emily, had last seen the shoes on the floor next to the guest bed in my friend’s guest bedroom, in her Los Angeles home as I was preparing for the drive to the surgical center where I was to have surgery.

On Sunday, July 3rd, at approximately 1325 hours, I noticed the brown Minnetonka moccasins were not in their original place inside the bedroom nor under the bench in the entry way. At which point, G-man was brought into the search and stated matter-of-factly that he recalled seeing the moccasins inside the Highlander at which point the search ceased.

Upon resuming the search within the vehicle on July 15th, it became clear the moccasins were indeed, not inside the vehicle, which began the search again within my residence, and the search produced zero results. At which point, a text was sent to the friend inquiring if the moccasins were within her home and the response was “no”. A call was placed on July 18th to request a more thorough search from the friend and am currently awaiting the results.

If you or anyone know of the whereabouts of the moccasins please contact me within the comments or if you feel you know who may have taken them and would prefer privacy, email is available also.

This concludes my report.

You have my permission to tweet, facebook, re-post and or email this police report to extend the search until they are found.

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