Now its my turn

Remember all that time ago when the “5 things you don’t know about me” floated around and everyone jumped on it to share? Well, I thought I’d be cool and wait until it completely died down where no one in blogland was doing it and do mine. In reality, this has taken weeks weeks to create so technically it could have been posted during the whole fad, but I didn’t realize it would be so hard to think of 5 things.. and I wasn’t sure I wanted to say one of them, so it was a lot of back and forth until I decided to throw caution to the wind and just go for it.

So, this is me. Giving you 5 things that after reading this, you can’t say you didn’t know about me anymore.

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1. I've been engaged before.   (hello cat, you can come out of the bag now)
2. I like the smell of skunk and associate it with lemons. I realize they don't smell like lemons in any way, but every time I smell a skunk I think, mmmmm, lemons. {does this put me in the minority??}
3. I have a flossing accountability partner. Every night we text each other that we flossed. That's the only way either of us will actually floss (consistently) and its been working for the past 4 months or so. Our gums have never been happier.


….and you probably thought I was joking.
4. Its a must that I use the bathroom whenever I go somewhere. Just the thought of getting in a car accident and knowing I'll pee all over myself while unconscious, ensures I have an empty bladder before leaving... even though I realize pee all over me is the least of my problems, if I'm passed out from a car accident.. but why add insult to injury.. am I right?
5. G-man and I love to listen to John Tesh on the radio and we (ok, maybe just I) call him “Teshy” and say, “Hi Teshy” or “Its Teshy!!” when he comes on to give his facts… and I may or may not wave to the radio in the car on occasion. Teshy has wisdom, you guys!


There you have it!! Five truths about little ol’ me!

I think I should start this trend back up, what do you say?? If you didn’t do a post listing the 5 things we don’t know about you, I give you my full permission to share and you’re more than welcome to blame me for resurrecting it if you get any grief from others. My excuse I’ll use is I grew up in small town Utah where we never got the “trends” in stores until 2 years after they happened, so I don’t know any better. 






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Changing the direction

No, I’m not changing the direction of my blog. Like it ever had a direction to begin with.  I’m talking about changing up your direction to and from work. Or to and from home.

Yes, this will be a paranoid post by yours truly.

Remember, I’m an expert in these things… Almost from the beginning I was told it was important to never establish a routine in prison. Never walk the tier in the same direction twice, never leave the office at the same time, never go the bathroom, make a phone call, open a cell door, eat your lunch, pop inmates out at the same time every day… doing things like “clock work” was or could very well be your death sentence (or someone else’s)

Same can be applied to your day to day life.

I have to drive through the ghetto in order to get to work. You can change the name to lessen the blow; ‘less than desirable part of town’ but either way, it’s a druggie filled area that I get to work in… I get to watch the same druggies walk by the office and in so doing see whether they’re drug free (at that moment in time) or doped up as they walk by. Not to mention the gang members, homeless, scam artists and families who love them, smoking in their baby’s face while they walk by my lovely floor to ceiling window.

I started to develop the same route to and from work. Driving the same road where they’d all be hanging out at the liquor store and in their front yards watching cars go by. Where the girl would be spraying her husband’s face with the water hose while he had to do pushups in their front walk way and him not being able to breathe…you know, the normal things couples do for all to witness.

It wasn’t until one Friday morning, I was driving down the road and there were cars and people everywhere, lined up over a block long at the Salvation Army, that this one beat up mini van was going under 5mph for reasons I do not know. I couldn’t take it any longer and blared my horn nice and long and when I finally had that inch I needed, sped past him. It wasn’t until that moment I realized I may have rocked the boat on my route a bit.

There were a lot of people out that morning who heard the horn, saw the car and no doubt, saw me. I’m sure they’re used to noise and drama but I would prefer to stay out of it, so I realized it was time I took a break from that route. For the next 3 weeks, I went a different direction to and from work. Alternating between 2 routes. It was longer and more painful since there was more traffic, but I wanted to break the routine I had created.

Now I change it up between 4 different routes. Never taking the same street twice in one day. You can call me paranoid, obsessive, crazy or whatever else you want to think of, but there’s one thing I will always be. And that’s cautious.
via
They watch you. They see the direction you drive and they see the time you drive it. They know when you get home, when you arrive at work and the minute you pass by their place.

My advice to you is: Change it up. Find a different route to work, to home, to school. Make if more difficult for those who are looking to track your schedule. Oh, and of course…take those stupid decal stickers off…cause you know, that’s an obvious bullseye.

Do you take the same route every day or do you make the effort to change it up?

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Your decal families

This is a PSA of sorts.

An old co worker of mine talked about it on his wife’s blog over a year ago and I remember nodding my head the whole time in agreement with everything he said.
Now a days, you can’t drive down the road, park at a store or go to a school without seeing those family decal stickers on the back window of a car.

via technabob

When you see them, what’s your first thought? Is it, ‘oh, look they have the cutest little stickers for their 2, 3, 4 kids??’ Or do you think about the dangers that come with having the amount and general age of their kids on their car, for all to see?

The vast majority of you know I used to work in prisons. In that time I had a rather close encounter…too close of encounters with hundreds and hundreds of child molesters. I read their files, I knew what they did, I knew how and what they did to those kids and the ways the kids were lured in.

Its sick.

To this day, among all my prison paperwork, I have tucked away an ongoing note that spanned over a couple days between 2 child molesters that I happened to confiscate when I saw one attempt to pass it to the other. I didn’t know what it was at first when I asked him to hand it over, but I took it, told him to go away, and began reading it. I was shocked. Not to mention disgusted.

It was a conversation about little boys in a magazine they were looking through…and their age preference of them… and then how one, who was coming up on parole, planned to elude the cops, change his name, move out of the state and find himself another little boy..or two or three.

Are you uncomfortable yet??

Now, look again at those decals. Notice the ones that go so far as to give each and every name of their family down to their baby. How much easier do you need to make it for that child molester to come for your kid?

What do all parents say to their kids? Don’t talk to strangers!! But what happens when that stranger comes up to your kid and says, ‘Hey Tommy, your mommy Cheryl told me to come pick you and Jenna up because she had to take your little sister Heather to the doctor.’

And how does he know where you live? Easy! He followed you home, thanks to your decals being so easy to spot. They are elaborate thinkers! They will do anything to get your kids. I can’t stress that enough!!

Stop making it so easy for them by putting your family on your car!! and please for the love of God
DON’T SHARE YOUR NAMES!!
If you have a friend or family member who has these, please tell them the dangers of this. If you have them, please understand the danger this presents for you and your family. We don’t need to live in a state of fear, and I’m by no means wanting to make you be in one, but I want you to be aware. Aware of what’s around you. Not to be naïve to the fact nothing could ever happen. And not to be so forthcoming with your personal information for all to see.

Its called “personal” for a reason.

this concludes my public service announcement

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Facing my fear

I have this fear.

I don’t like being the center of attention in public or even knowing there are people seeing me. Even if I know I’ll never see the people again. It makes me absolutely nervous, uncomfortable and I’ll do everything possible to get myself out of doing what I committed to do.

and yet I wanted to be a runway model…pssh!

This was a major issue I had to deal with while working in prison. Knowing I had 200 pairs of eyes watching my every move. My every bite I would take of my lunch…to the point of one of them yelling through their cell door the moment I closed the lid to a 1/2 eaten chicken salad, ‘I’ll eat the rest of that!!’ It was very difficult to deal with, walking across the yard of 600 inmates, knowing each and every step was being viewed. I’d mumble to myself, have the worst scowl on my face and pray I made it to the building without one saying something derogatory or me having to stop to tell one to ‘move along’ since they were staring too much.

I hate knowing people are watching me. H-A-T-E.

So, one day I headed down some country roads and saw these really pretty wild flowers off the side of one of the very busy roads. I swore to myself, since it would be my very last weekday off, I’d capitalize and return with my camera. Regardless of how many people saw me snapping away.

And truthfully, I wanted to do it when the majority of people were at work and not on a weekend. (baby steps)

2 hours went by after the fact and I still hadn’t returned to the flowers. Making excuses why it wasn’t ‘time’ yet, but really hoping the sun would set faster so I could lose the opportunity. But knowing my car was sitting in the blazing sun and not the garage, forced me to go out again.

Camera in hand, I made the drive back to the flowers. I parked and walked with my head down to the little patch of purple and red flowers, telling myself, ‘Don’t look at any cars, keep your head down, if you hunker low enough they might not see you…’ I start to hunker in what was the worst shoe choice imaginable. flip flops..what person in their right mind wears flip flops to walk through prickly weeds? *this girl* As I got lower, I saw huge black ants!

Another thing I don’t deal well with, mean ants. So now hunkering is practically out of the question. I planned on laying on my belly (pre flip flop/prickly weeds/ants) to:
A. be at the lowest possible level so no one would see me.
B. get the best shot possible
C. be at the lowest possible level so no one would see me.

I stayed for maybe 10 minutes. Enough time to have several cars drive by, to realize it was the worst lighting of the day, that flip flops gives ants a direct line for my toes {even if none actually came close}, that I jump at the slightest movement on the chance its an ant coming for me and that rocks aren’t friendly to walk, kneel, or crouch down on.

And the worst part? My pictures are subpar at best. Not like, oh, I’m just being modest…no, they really are subpar. Nothing wowing, unique, eye catching. Nothing more than plain ol’ run of the mill pictures of some flowers.

I promise it looked prettier driving by at a high rate of speed.


the focus! Where’s the focus!? It was so bright, I couldn’t make out anything.

All that for some pictures I probably won’t keep. The only consolation was I repeated to myself that everyone driving by seeing me wished they would be as brave and bold as I taking pictures off a busy road.

It worked…until the end of the sentence.

~what’s a fear of yours?~

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Rise to the challenge

An idea has been forming over here. Not an original idea since I’ve seen it all around the internet, this blog does it ever other week, but one I want to participate in and encourage others to do.

Self portraits

What I want to do is to get us women more in front of the camera. By a silent raise of hands, how many of you new and not so new moms are ever in front of the camera?? How many of you are actually in the pictures with your kids…or your husband??

Or even just have that solo shot of yourself?

I can hear the majority of you now…I’m just not comfortable in front of the camera, I don’t think I look good, I’m not where I want to be body wise and having a camera pick up on that…bleh, no one is there to take the picture for me, and blah blah blah blah blah.

Yeah, I get it. But remember this…your kids will look back at all those pictures and think, ‘how come mom was never in these?’ ‘I don’t have any pictures of me and mom.’ {trust me, I say this now and its sad as the kid.} …sorry mom.

I’m singling out you moms but its for you single gals as well. Get in front of that camera! Pass it off to a friend, your man, or a stranger to get you in that picture. Its going to be OKAY that you won’t look 100% perfect all the time. Life isn’t 100% perfect so why should you think you need to look that way in the picture??

What am I proposing? I want to do a one time link up of us and our self portraits.

The rules are:
- You  must take the pictures yourself, whether its by timer, remote or arm stretched out (but only if you have mad arm stretching skills).
- No cell phone pictures
- Any poses or expressions you’d like (in the PG range). If you can pull off the pouty look, more power to you! (I always end up looking like an open mouthed mad woman)
- Any setting. Home, field, lake, building, by trees, holding a kid, with flowers, pretty much anywhere EXCEPT BATHROOMS. –let’s be real.
- No nudity –again, let’s be real.
- have fun with it.
- embrace how you look right now

This is open to everyone, even those who don’t have blogs can participate. All you’ll need to do is email me your best (to you) picture by the date given below and I’ll include it in my own post.

No more eye rolling…are you with me??! It can be a lot of fun if you let it. And just think, you’ll finally have that picture of yourself that you’ve secretly been wanting but too embarrassed to admit.

In case you’re wondering, I’m already planning mine in a room that gets great light. I’m a generally shy person, so the thought of doing it in public scares me a bit. So no need to feel intimidated with this, stay indoors if that’s where you’ll be most comfortable.

The link up will be on April 11th. That gives you 2 weeks to take those pictures and create your post of your favorites. I really really hope you’ll join me, let me know in the comments. Just the thought of seeing your beautiful faces is getting me all excited!!

And remember, you aren’t the only one that feels they’re awkward in front of the camera…

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Buts, tries and don’ts

Did you pick up on my little play there? Butt, tris and delts? I’m hilarious.

Anyhoo… I used to work for this leadership company that was very very big on not saying “but” “try” and anything with a “not” in it; don’t, can’t, won’t, shouldn’t…you get the gist.

To try just means you won’t do it. will you call me later? yeah, I’ll try to give you a ring. well, we all know it won’t happen. Its either, yes I’ll do it. Or no. Stop trying and just do.

Having a ‘but’ in a sentence completely takes away from your previous line. I love you, but… I wanted to hangout, but… I “tried” to call you, but…  So basically, that but is telling you that what was said before it, wasn’t really true. (maybe in some cases.)
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They did 2 1/2 day “retreats” where a group of grown adults from all over the country, were whisked off into the middle of the Nevada desert, away from all normal distractions to fully focus on the class.

The 1st class was the toughest. They screamed and yelled like drill sergeants. Wouldn’t crack a smile no matter what was done. Putting everyone in uncomfortable circumstances to essentially break them. Some would walk out and demand a drive home, but most stayed till the end, getting past the uncomfortable situations we were constantly put in.

As freaky as it sounds, I learned and grew a lot that weekend. They instructed us not to make any life changing decisions for 2 1/2 weeks after because everyone’s thoughts and ideas were always abuzz. That’s where I broke a 2 inch thick board in half with my hand. Yessir’ee I did.

The 2nd class was a lot more relaxed and the most fun. It was more about trust and self awareness and not giving into fear. Fear can consume us in our personal and professional life and they took us through ways to combat that.
me at 20…


That’s where you might hear me say, ‘come down here. its safe down here’ and not have anyone but one person get the saying. Its where I had the ability to walk on a hot bed of coals, and be told I’m the slowest person they’d ever seen walk on it; and not feel an ounce of pain.

The mind is amazing to control.

Then the 3rd class was all about communication. Each class is an entire weekend long. They were done over a couple months time, but the last one was the worst for me. Communication. There’s so many ways to communicate. With the body only, in a made up language, with a look. All these different ways were explored and taught to help where you might lack. Finding that rapport with a person. Only, I was paired with a guy who creeped me out and later turned a bit stalker on me.

But this class is where I bent rebar with my hands. Where I learned how to get someone to trust me in a conversation with just my body language and where its possible saying “not” can keep someone from doing something you want them to do.

There’s a reason why I say to people, ‘take this the right way’ vs ‘don’t take this the wrong way.’ Which way are you more apt to follow? Generally, the moment I say ‘the right way’ they’ll chuckle, but I have their full attention. Say it the ‘wrong way’ and they’ll be more likely to…take it the wrong way.

I can get deeper in this if anyone’s interested, unless I’ve completely bored you. Cause that is possible. It was an interesting company, cooky but interesting. I learned a whole heck of a lot that I still apply today, 10 years later, believe it or not.

Do this for me. A little experiment if you will. The next time someone’s talking to you face to face, watch their body language. If they’re sitting forward with their elbows on their knees, mimic them. If they lean back and cross their arms, give it a minute and do the same. Subtly copy the position they’re in and see what they do. If they relax, appear more comfortable or talk to you more. BUT make sure they aren’t aware of what you’re doing.

..and let me know what happens. :)

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Color obsessed

Thank you so much for your sweet comments on yesterday’s post. Its been something that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately and felt like I had to say. We definitely aren’t alone and its nice to see everyone being encouraging..just what we need more of. = )

This week has actually been a really tough week for me. The beginning was, actually. Looking over myself and seeing all that’s going on…or not going on in my life was putting me in a major funk. Top that off with not being able to have any communication with G-man for days and days was wearing me down! Satan sure knows how to work in those moments.

Stephanie told me she once had to go 11 weeks without hearing from her husband when he was on deployment years ago and I’m not sure I could make it, if that was my case. Just going these 6 days have been really hard.

I should hear from him Saturday, since he’ll be back in the states though, and I can’t wait!
*updated. I heard from him last night!! A complete surprise and I almost didn’t answer the ‘blocked’ number, but so glad I did.

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For Christmas, G-man got me a giftcard to one of my..no, my favorite clothing store and days after getting it, I got online and picked out 9 tops. If it wasn’t for taxes I wouldn’t have had to pay a penny, but as it was, I only paid $7. I couldn’t wait to get them and was seriously jumping for joy at getting all but 1 top on sale.

And then, not 2 days after placing the order, I get the store’s email promoting a $20.12 off all orders over X amount…my X amount…I could have saved $20!! Isn’t that how it always is!?

Alas, I got them all and only liked 5 of them, so off to the store I went to return them and pick out fun new clothes.

I learned 2 {not so new} things about myself that day.
1. I have an unhealthy obsession with gray. and..

keep in mind there are 3 more gray shirts that were still in the dryer when I took this picture…
2. I have an unhealthy obsession with purple. ..oh, and


3. I’m scared of pattern. (I didn’t buy this)

Ok so that’s 3 things…
My mom is probably nodding her head agreeing. I can’t even count how many years of effort she’s put into getting me out of solids.

I’m like a leap year. Every 4 years, I finally muster up the courage to buy a stripe over solid…then a design on a small part of the shirt…then a plaid. At this rate, I’ll be 70 before I feel comfortable wearing a full patterned top. I’ll be that crazy old lady with the eccentric clothing.

Would you still talk to me?

What color are you obsessed with?

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The box has been broken

My mom will be so blown away by this next statement…Mom, are you ready?

I’ve officially stepped out of my solids dark colors box and bought…wait for it…patterns. *gasp* I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself off the floor.

This might be my one and only post I’ll ever do on fashion because I’m so not a “fashion” person. I’m never in style and know I’ll never be able to keep up with the fashion bloggers and their amazing sense of dress! I have zilch.. And once you go through it all, you’ll probably laugh and say, ‘that wasn’t a fashion post.’

I’m a plain jane, solids wearing kinda gal. If its black, grey, green or most recently lavender (newly added to the pallet), I’ll get it, but hold onto your hats because thanks to some Birthday gift cards from the love, I. went. shopping!!

Take a gander at my new clothes!

1. Is a maxi dress. I’ve been wanting stripes for ages, love that I stepped out and got it in a dress
2. ruffled top
3/5/8 are all camis
4. is an absolutely beautiful jewel toned top
6. more stripes!! A nice casual t-shirt
7. (which is hard to see) is a way out of my comfort zone flowered top. Almost grandma flowers
9. (top right) is a pretty purple flowers top
10. is an awesome full length skirt. I’ve been wanting one for a long time, and
11. is a peacock looking top that has “wings” as I told the girl at the store but it has a belt and I loved it.

Can you tell I’m excited about all these?? I can’t even tell you, I really am!







With these tops, my newly acquired ‘girlyness’ is in full swing since I’ve also been painting my nails, too!

Who IS this girl!?!? I don’t know, but I’m having so much fun being her. Since watching you all do it, I thought I’d join in the fun and show you my recent nail colors.

I have 2 more colors that I can’t wait to use. I think I’ll use one on my fingers and one on my toes for the weekend. Yes sirree bob, I think I will.

Do you all get as excited as I did when you get a bunch of new clothes or get nail polish?

In my meager defense, it’s been more than 6 years since I’ve owned a bottle of nail polish and I haven’t shopped shopped for clothes in, gosh I don’t even know how long.

So help me feel normal and agree that you too get giddy with your new purchases!

Mmmkay, thanks!

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