It all comes to a close

I’m sitting here in the quiet listening to the two clocks compete for the loudest tick tock, as I wish I had socks on because it’s a little chilly in here. In truth, I wish I would get up to go change into my workout clothes, but I did my abs video two days ago, and well, my thighs are ridiculously sore from it… (which is odd when you think it was an abs video, but it’s proof just how much you use your other muscles…), so I don’t want to think about the pain that’s involved with standing up to walk, so I remain seated.

Even though I haven’t been too into blogging lately, I still read everyone’s and as is normal, the common theme now is resolutions and theme words, and I can’t help but feel so far removed from it. I am not one to do resolutions, and though I know many who thrive on the ‘theme word’ for the year, I find it to be just another distraction and false sense of purpose. I’ll put the disclaimer of “for me” at the end of that, so as not to step on anyone’s toes, but ultimately it’s how I feel. And if I may, the idea of waiting until the new year to act on something, whether it’s working out, eating better, acting better or spending less…seems superficial. If a person can’t start something at any other time of the year, why is it believed to be different (and successful) at the first of the year?

I digress.

This year wasn’t anything like what I thought it would be and it ended far from what I ‘planned’, but I remind myself it’s silly to plan anything to begin with and instead trust in God to make it what He wants…despite my protests and grumblings. This next year, I don’t even want to think ahead and imagine, for fear of repeated disappointment, but rather focus on the daily task at hand, which is school, once it starts back up on the 13th.

Life has been on pause for far too many years, but just like a ‘wait until new years to start something’, it’s entirely my fault I haven’t acted and pressed play to get it back up and going. But I’m hoping to change that…ironically at the start of the new year. Does that make me a hypocrite? Or just ironic timing of it all.. Regardless, my focus through it all is on Him, and what I pray, is less on myself.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned these past few months living back with my parents, is that I’m selfish. It’s been hard to stop being selfish. So, less focus on myself, undoubtedly would be a good thing.

No matter if you make goals for the new year or continue on your day to day living, I hope each and everyone of you have a beautiful start to your new year. Maybe that’s what it’s more about. The “hope” of something new, a fresh start, the hope that this upcoming new year will be different from the last.

God willing {for everyone} it will be…

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I still get botox

I had my fourth botox treatment this past Thursday, and it still is the best thing I’ve ever done, ever! …next to laser hair removal.

In July of 2012, I talked about getting botox for the first time. Since then, like clockwork, I’ve gotten treatment every 6-7 months. I always make sure I do two treatments each year to be sure my insurance covers the second treatment 100%. (deductible having been met at that point and all.)

After the first treatment, even though the Dr. said it generally lasts a good six months before it begins to wear off, I noticed within month two it fading. I was disappointed but I knew that when it came to medical treatments and me, I’m always in the small percentile that has the extreme or opposite desire. And this was no exception. Even though, by the end of month three it had completely worn off, I still stretched it out to month six before going back in for treatment number two.

Little did I know that the moment it wore off I could have gone in for another treatment but it didn’t matter since I was getting round two of injections at that point.

After the second treatment, I noticed it lasted longer. Almost to four months and this only served to make me happy. The doctor did say that with continued treatments, the time frame will stretch more and more and thankfully, I fell in line with this. By the third, it stretched to five months and I can only hope this fourth treatment will go to a full 6 months.

I still highly recommend this treatment and am a huge advocate for it, which is why I thought I’d offer an update one and a half years later. If you have a dermatologist who is as amazing as mine and willing to go the extra mile to prove to your insurance company that this is a medical necessity, insurance will cover the treatments entirely. Which is a huge comfort on this currently diminished pocket book. I still remember describing my ‘need’ to the nurse and once done the guy said there was no doubt it was medically necessary. (Lest you think I or the doctor’s office is tricking insurance to pay.)

As long as I can, I will continue to get these injections. The confidence its given me is tremendous. With all my travels lately, it’s such a relief knowing I don’t have to be concerned with the sweating or smelling anymore. A huge relief! If anyone reading this is in the Central Valley of California, I would be happy to give my doctor’s information. She’s one of those where I’ll gladly drive hours to see because she’s that good.

Since I talked about it last year, has anyone looked into getting it done themselves? Or actually begun treatments?

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A little of my life

Hi.

I’ve climbed out from under my rock to say I’m still kickin’. I am officially done with school, my finals were yesterday, and it feels really good to be done. Grades haven’t been posted yet, but I’m confident I did well. Now I have 5 weeks of nothing, and I’m scratching my head with what I’ll be doing with my days now, until school starts up again.

I attempted to blog once just last week but you’ll be happy to know I didn’t finish it. It was filled with a play by play of a whiny day. Do you ever find just writing something out helps you move on from it? No one needs to see it, but to be able to get the words out of your head, onto paper or computer, really help in freeing your mind of the thoughts that consumed you up until that point?

I got a haircut. A major one, and what I hoped would be like how I wanted, wasn’t. And I was angry for a good 5 days after. Couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, it had me that upset. Now, 2 1/2 weeks later, I’m ok with it. I did see a second stylist to fix it, and actually plan to see a third in a couple weeks, after it grows out more, but as of right now, I’m ok with the cut.

The cut actually helps with my 20’s outfit I’m wearing tonight for my friend’s birthday party. A long bob and all, but at least it fits in with the 1920’s theme. I’m pretty excited to reveal the dress! I’ll most likely post first on Instagram, if you want to follow @emilygrapes It’s nothing short of gorgeous! Today kicks off what will be a trip filled month. I’m at my friend’s house now for the party, relaxing before I need to get ready, then within a few days I’ll be in Napa sipping some wine, followed by a snowy trip to Utah, and ending with some fun in Vegas. I don’t know what those trips will bring, but hopefully they’ll end up good. God willing.

Friends, this has been me. I’ve been very quiet, not just in blog world but in everything. Transitions can be hard to go through sometimes. Finding your position in this little space you occupy, looking to make sense of it all.

1 Timothy 5:16-18 comes to mind
Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

That’s me these days. Lots of praying.

I hope to pop in again soon. Maybe with a recap of the party if I can get the photos from it. But if not, I’m wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and a very Merry Christmas.

I’ll leave you with the initial cut…which is kind of mean for you and for me, given it looks a lot better now, but I don’t have any recent shots, so we get this before and after.

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