9 days left

I’m so close, friends. I can smell the delicious cookies, they’re almost in my grasp. I have to say, I haven’t really been craving sugar anymore. I don’t think about it really, and don’t have much of a temptation anymore. So technically, I’m totally cured. If I never have another drop of sugar again, I’d be completely fine with that.

Alright, so that’s not true. I do look forward to having a little in my coffee. And I do look forward to eating a cookie. And I do look forward to having a cracker. And I do look forward to, well, no restrictions whatsoever. It’ll be nice. In truth, beyond this whole no white sugar thing, I’m eating almost like I used to when I lived alone…it’s just that pesky lack of white sugar that’s different.

Still going strong though. For anyone still thinking of the idea..wanting to do it themselves at some point (not now…don’t do it NOW), just know, it gets easier. You’ll really lose the crazy cravings, and you’ll lose the obsessive thoughts that fill your first 10 days, and it becomes bearable, then manageable, then livable.

So, over the weekend I only left the house to take the garbage to the street. That’s normal, right? Why leave if you don’t have to is what I say. I did important things still..like eat a ton of broccoli, watched a proposal that had me laughing and crying at the same time, (it’s long but TOTALLY worth watching), and other important things like that.

And can I just say how making a phone call is worth it sometimes? You know when you put off calling a company because of the hassle you think you’ll go through? The long wait, or the irritating rep, or one who’s not interested in helping you…so many reasons to avoid calling them, but a month ago, I got a letter from Verizon saying a discount I received for having worked for the state was coming to an end.

by the way, if you work for the government, you’re entitled to a discount..it’s amazing.

Any way, I was really sad! I’ve gotten this discount for 8 years, at least! I attempted to “prove” I was still working for the state by sending a paystub to them, but they rejected it saying retired employees don’t qualify for it. I was sad. It may sound really silly, but I was really sad this amazing discount was coming to an end.

I let it go and prepared myself for my upcoming bill, but I kept getting notifications and mailers from Verizon saying FINAL NOTICE to submit proof… uh, thought I was already denied, but whatever…salt in a wound.

So on a whim, I called yesterday. I almost hung up 5 times while going through the automated steps, feeling it was completely worthless to talk to them, but I got a guy, and I told him I was still getting mail after I was told retirees don’t get the discount. He confirmed retirees don’t, but then put me on hold to talk to his supervisor. And just like that, he came back to say I DO in fact still qualify for the discount, and again, it may sound so arbitrary to you, but this made my entire day.

Had I not called, it would have been removed and I would be paying a much larger bill come November, but 5 minutes of my time, ended up saving me a ton of money.

We dread calling phone companies, credit card, cable companies, but the amount of savings we can get from a 5-15 minute call could be huge. Heck, I’m saving my parents $80 a month by {making them} switch their phone and internet services…from a company they’ve been with for 10 years!

Totally got off on a tangent but since we’re still on phones, I finally updated my iTunes to the new software, but haven’t put it on my phone yet.. is it worth it? Is it annoying? I read these 18 tips for the new update, but am still a little slow with wanting to put it on my phone.

So fill me in, friends. Is it great?

Oh and I was playing around the other day and here’s a small taste of that. More to come on what I was actually doing. I had quite the fun…if its not obvious.

Happy Monday!

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A thank you and a follow up

I have to say THANK YOU! Thank you to each and every one of you who are cheering me on. You all are such a great support. I know I’ll be coming back to everyone’s comments in twitter, instagram and here when I’m neck deep in homework to be reminded that I have a great cheering section.

First day went alright. I could certainly use someone skilled in the ways of Chemistry to step forward and teach me everything they know…in baby steps, because that’s Greek to me, but I hope to get in a ‘learning’ groove to nail these classes.

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Once in awhile I’ll get someone asking how the ol’ feet are doing so… at the beginning of the week, I had to go see a doctor for my disability. It was a review of sorts, where the State hired him to do an independent assessment to determine I am in fact still disabled and able to keep my benefits. It turned out to be quite the visit, I have to say. I was in the room with the doctor for an hour and a half. That has to be the longest I’ve ever had a dr. in the room.

He asked so many questions and was incredibly detailed and left me with a lot to think about in regards to my retirement, which I can’t quite go into but this guy seemed like a really good dr who knows his stuff. Whereas the dr. I saw years ago who I feel is largely the reason I’m in the condition I’m in, was not.

Hindsight..always 20/20.

The worst part of the whole visit was him being unable to tell me any of his thoughts on my condition. Even unable to refer a dr. to me as it would be a conflict of interest to the job he was hired to do. The only thing he would say was any dr. who got hold of my file wouldn’t want anything to do with me and my problems.

Well, that’s a comfort.

Maybe he isn’t such a great doctor after all…

Now I get to wait to get word from the State on whether he deems me still incapable of doing the job to maintain my disability benefits. I’m praying so because this girl can’t handle the idea of losing her benefits.

Has anyone ever had to go through this? Going on disability and then being under review after a few years? Preferably in California but would still love to hear feedback if anyone’s gone through it in their state.

completely unrelated but had to share the hummingbird escaping the wind the other day.

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To new beginnings!

Where do I even begin?

This is probably the most excited I’ve been in a very long time. I’ve had more pep in my step these past few days than I’ve had in years. No matter how much I wish I were uplifting and optimistic through tough times, I’m the type when handed sour lemons, I don’t add sugar to them to make them sweet, I let them sit there and rot and scowl over the whole situation of being given sour lemons in life.

It hasn’t been an easy past few years for me. Ever since retiring from the department, I’ve had no direction. No idea what to do or where to go from a career that required me to escort, pat down and handcuff felons. There’s no ‘real world’ translation to that! More often than not, I’ve felt lost, confused, frustrated and broken over my situation. I had (and still don’t have) NO desire to work in an office doing ‘office’ things from 8-5 every single day. And I had NO interest in going to college to ‘better’ myself in a boring major like business or administration or criminal justice.

No matter how many times I looked into it, no matter how many times it was suggested to me (and it was A LOT), college was the last thing I wanted to do and deal with. No major was appealing, no job was desired. I still, after 14 years of adult life, HAD NO CLUE WHAT I WANTED TO BE!

Is that even allowed? How can someone… a 32 year old NOT know what they want to do!? Is there something wrong with them??

This is what I asked myself often over the past 14 years. I felt like something was off in my brain for me to never, not once have an idea what I’d want to major in and more so, what I wanted to do when I grew up.

When I was 18, I did go to college… for all of one semester. It was to play Volleyball and nothing more. I slept through classes and didn’t own books and when finals came around and I attempted to write my 8 page paper for a class, by page 6, the computer froze, losing 4 of those pages, and I said, ‘screw it’, packed my bags and flew home for Christmas break.

At 25, I attempted to get an AA in criminal justice….I was working in the prison system after all, so how hard could it be? After 1 semester of the most boring topics and classes, I stopped and never looked back.

But it wasn’t until I was in Japan in August; when I was sitting on the couch reading an article about the top 10 schools in the nation, that I saw a well known university offering a complete online program. I clicked over and began scanning the majors they offered online. The typical ones were there..the boring ones, but then I saw something different.

Nutrition

That was something new. As I began reading more about the different types of degrees in nutrition, I came across Nutrition (Nutrition Communications). I read it. read it again, and the little light inside started to flicker to life again. I poured over the information for a week before requesting more information, and another week before applying to the school, never telling anyone that I was doing this. I first told G-man, who was elated for me…and said to ‘spill the beans’ since I kept it from him. Then I shared it with a few others close to me.

I was afraid they wouldn’t accept me. It’s best to keep something from others when there’s a chance of getting hurt and disappointed. I waited 5 weeks before getting word…just a mere 5 days before the classes would begin that I WAS ACCEPTED and I can’t even describe to you the elation I felt when I read those words.

When I told my sister, what she said had such an effect on me because it was truth that I didn’t realize until she uttered the words.

I finally have a direction. Corrections was supposed to be my career and when that was taken away from me, I had no where to go because it didn’t prepare me for anything outside of that life. She was so thrilled I now knew where I wanted to go and honestly so am I.

So today I start my first day at Arizona State University as a freshman with 4 very hard years to look forward to that I know will be very rewarding. For the first time in my life, I know what I want to do and what I want to be and the excitement I feel over that is monumental.

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Quieting the internal weeping (Day 10 of 30)

I’m starving.

all. the. time.

I should say I’m starving less these days, but I’ll get to that in just a moment. If you are seeing this and thinking ‘uhh, just eat something if you’re hungry, crazy!’, read what this crazy is doing >here<

So, I’m on day 10 and my eyes have been opened, my mind cleared, and I’m singing hallelujah for the clarity that is life.
kidding

It’s been a rough rough road going without any kind of sugar. Day 2 was tostados and if you know anything about tostados, fried corn tortillas are involved. I almost cried from being denied the foundation of the tostado as I ate my “safe” beans with all the fixin’s by themselves…just not the same friends, its just not the same without that crunch.

I unknowingly slipped up and on day 3, had white rice. *gasp*. I was even so proud of myself for calling it a ‘sugar free’ dinner and after finishing it, my mom casually mentioned that white rice is a carb that turns into sugar, and can we just say instant deflation?? …not to mention me giving her the side eye for watching me make AND eat my “sugar free” dinner without saying a word until I was finished.

That’s right! I don’t take any responsibility for any of my actions.

So, how has it been going these past few days?
I’ve had headaches, but thankfully they only lasted the first 3-4 days. My sugar…haha I mean COFFEE (I really did that on accident) is tasting better with each day with only my 1/2 and 1/2 in it. On the rare moments I’m having crazy sweet cravings, I’ll make a cup of coffee at night to soothe it.

I also am heavy on the fruit smoothies as my lunch. Fruit really helps kill the sweet tooth I get.

I've noticed my skin is clearer. Honestly, I can’t tell if this is because of the lack of sugar clogging me up, or if this is just my skin doing it on its own, but either way, I’m not complaining.

One thing I learned is fruit smoothies SHOULD NOT replace actual food. This is a major reason I’m hungry all the time because it would be my lunch and nothing more until 6pm or later for dinner which wouldn’t consist of much.
>my fault< (look at that, I CAN take responsibility for something)

Another thing I learned is I crave carbs, breads, rice, breads, breads and more breads MORE than actual sweets. I have this thing for breads! So that was the most difficult thing I had to cut out…until my mom decided to make a pumpkin drop cake with a buttery sugary crust that filled the house up with it’s delicious smell for hours…and I mean HOURS!

Torture is how I best describe those many hours.
my mom just laughed..

Smelling it was my way of “eating” it.

By day 6, I decided to weigh myself on a whim. Not because I was hoping to lose weight (this girl DOESN’T need to lose weight) but because I was concerned I had lost weight. I was surprised to see I had lost 6lbs in those 6 days.

I realize some might not like me saying that I don’t need to lose weight nor the fact I easily lost 6lbs but that’s just how it is for me..

Once I saw I’d lost so much weight, I decided it would be best for me to start eating carbs again. Still staying off white sugar and sweets, but incorporating carbs back in. I haven’t gone crazy with it, in fact I’ve hardly had any in the past 4 days, but when it comes to the dinners, I don’t think twice about eating the rice or bun with my burger and I feel so much better for it. More full. More satisfied. A lot happier.

Who knew I was so cranky!?

So even though I’ve put myself back on small amounts of carbs, I’m still going strong staying away from desserts and white sugar. I will say these past 10 days have been the slowest of my life. They felt like 30! but I think the next 20 will go by smoothly…well I hope so any way.

Happy a wonderful weekend everyone. Eat a cookie or slice of cake for me..no pie..I don’t like pie.



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Get in front of the camera

I’m in a couple photographers forums, and one thing I noticed a lot of them say is how much they don’t get in front of the camera. How they take pictures of their kids, their husband with the kids and even their dogs, but they generally stay behind the camera..
a) because in their minds, who else will take the picture
b) they know their cameras best, and
c) which is the most common reason: they don’t want to be photographed. Whether they think they look horrible, unkempt, not where they wish they were physically, messy hair, no make up..and the list goes on.

A high percent of mom’s are never in the shots with their kids because they don’t like the way they look. So years go by with no memory for the kid of MOM.

I am one of those kids. I’ve talked about it before, and there’s no doubt I love my mom (I love you, mom), I just know the other side of it as the kid of having virtually no photos of my mom to look back on. And to be honest, it makes me really sad.

Even as an adult, I probably could count on two hands the photos of mom and me, maybe truthfully one hand.

On Monday, that all changed. I was determined once I found out my mom was getting off work early, to get some nice shots of us. And what was even better, my sister was coming over as well. I didn’t tell either of them until they got to the house, because I’m all for the element of surprise. My sister rolled her eyes, grabbed at her clothes and gave me that look of dread.

I shooed her to the bathroom to use my flat iron and makeup at her will and told her this was happening, so to get to it. (I’m the real sweet loving gentle sister, if you hadn’t noticed)

Once she was all done, I called her out to get some test shots so I could get my camera ready.

And then we got my mom to join. I took some of my sister and mom first and had a ball with it. Those two together are complete goofballs, laughing almost the whole time. Then I got my settings right in the camera, handed it to my sister and had her take some of mom and me.

It all turned out a complete success and I’m excited I have these new photos to cherish. It only struck me after we were done, to have gotten some with my sister and me  …next time.

Friends, moms, sisters, kids, I can’t encourage you enough to get in front of the camera. Freeze time in a photo. It doesn’t matter how you look, it matters that you’re there.

Go. Go grab your mom. Or your kids. Set the timer. Use the remote. Utilize your husband and have these precious moments together photographed for everyone to look back on in fondness.

Your kids will thank you..and if you let yourself, you’ll thank you too.

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Once in a lifetime experience

I have to jump back to Japan because I have so much left to share. Especially this particular day that will forever be engrained in my brain as one of the neatest most amazing experiences of my life. Not many get this opportunity and I was honored to be a part of it.

The day after arriving in Japan, I got to go on the USS George Washington, the nuclear aircraft carrier, for an entire day. I got to experience it leaving port, going out to sea, an airshow, fighter jets taking off, landing, a personal tour throughout the entire ship (by my one and only), and it returning to port.

In one word it was AMAZING

We had to get up fairly early to get breakfast on the boat, and let me tell you…ship food is something to pass up. I feel for the deployed. It was served in the hangar bay, and holy moly, it was so incredibly humid there, every single person was dripping sweat, and all the military personnel had to be in their uniforms. I felt for them even more.

The halls and ladders require a person to be in shape. Stepping over, climbing up, walking through, going down… it had me lost and turned around, all while {quietly} (…I have a reputation to uphold) huffing and puffing as we took ladder after ladder to go higher and higher.

Walking around the flight deck had me so giddy and nervous inside. Between you and me, I get really nervous around G-man’s work because I want to act proper, not mess anything up, and play by the rules. It’s like I imagine myself as a child walking through a china shop and having to hold my hands together so I won’t bump or break anything. I get that nervous. I loosened up eventually but as I told G-man at one point, I just don’t want to embarrass him in any way around his peers.

-he quickly put it to rest that I could never embarrass him-

Like everyone else, we had free reign of {almost} the entire ship, walking around at our leisure, enjoying all the little ins and outs of the ship, so G-man let me take my time as I walked around the flight deck, soaking it all up. It was memorable.

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40 years later

October is in full swing with the crisp mornings and just perfect afternoons here, and they’ve been so lovely to enjoy. I find myself getting outside on the back patio more and more soaking in the softer sun as I listen to all the little birdies chirp.

The weekend was much of that. The sun, the birds, the constant hunger… I mean… I’ll save that topic for another day.

Today marks a pretty big day over here in this family. It’s a day of celebration. 40 years ago, my parents said “I do”.

40 years ago!

Craziness.

In that time they moved countless times, been through a number of ups and downs, had 4 beautiful children {if I may be so bold to say…not to mention the 4th kid, she really is something extra special..} and 11 grand children.

plus… this little bean

Blessed.

4 year anniversary

I discovered a box of photos and have had fun looking back over their years (if you can’t tell). I’m so thankful they’re my parents. They’re gracious and loving, supportive and encouraging. And I get to call them mine.

Happy 40th Anniversary Mom and Dad. I love you both!

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