Do I have to say?

I’m getting tested a bit with Jenni’s challenge today. Top 3 worst traits? Why would I dare reveal the absolute worst about me to you, who’s only seen (for the most part) my good side? What will this do to our friendships when you learn these things that I bury deep down inside so you can’t even get a glimpse of them, are revealed?

The first thing that popped into my head was, just 3…only? Yes, goodness, I have far more than 3 horrible traits. Now it’s a matter of narrowing them down using the do I tell that one? or this one…? no, I better tuck those away for another day, method.

                                                                                               oldie but goodie

So maybe I’ll be gentle on you (and myself) and give the lesser of the worst?

Spitting – oh, I hate that I just said that. I feel like it’s a trucker thing to do, but I spit. I spit a lot and it’s not just because I brushed my teeth and I want to get the toothpaste out. Its because I can’t breathe if I don’t. My sinuses are whack and morning, noon, and night (and almost every hour in between) I spit those kinds that clear your sinuses, in sinks, in trash cans, by my car door… but mainly sinks. .. Only my family and very very close friends even know that I do this and the code word for when I do is ‘don’t look’. {{my only good thing about it is I’ve perfected the silent spit. No hocking here}}

Anger – oh nelly, I tend to have a wee little issue with my anger. I even had a conversation with my friend just the other day of her witnessing my anger awhile back. She’d never seen that side of me and was quite shocked… and perhaps a little frightened. It wasn’t directed toward her but someone on the phone and I’d like to blame it on it was during the time I was still in corrections, which had a huge role in my temper spiking, but I still deal with it a bit to this day.

Attitude – you think this might go along with anger, but it doesn’t. I have quite the indifferent attitude..especially lately as I’m dealing with a lot of stuff in my life, and I’ve become this dead eyed, straight faced, no smile, sarcastic type of person mainly at work. I’ve even begun challenging things they tell me to do, or just flat out not do them. Or give just a hint of attitude with each thing they say.

Is this wrong? Of course. I know this deep down, but there comes a time in my life when someone tells me I have to kiss each and every a** that comes in that door to make them feel like they’re royalty when they make me feel like dirt, that I have to stand up for myself and say enough.

Well shoot! Look at that, my anger wanted to creep out just a little bit. Let me tuck that away before I continue.

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A lot of times I know think I fall short in the sugar and spice and everything nice category. I see those women who truly have this happiness about them that can look on the bright side and encourage others even while they’re down. Who can have this tender, sweet, gentle disposition and I can’t even tell you how much I long for that and give it a test run to see if that can be me. But then its National Pull Out in Front of Emily Day and everything goes right out the window.

I wonder how they do it. How can they have the type of personality that when others meet them they say ‘she really is the sweetest person, inside and out’.. ‘on her blog and in real life’.

Seriously, if you met me, first thing you’d probably say is, ‘yup, she’s just as sarcastic (if not more) in person as she is on her blog.’ I do have a tender side, promise. I almost feel like calling out some friends to come forward to vouch for it, but alas, I’ll refrain.

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I hope those of you in the states have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend! I may or may not be going out of town with someone.. I can’t confirm or deny this until Tuesday.

Happy weekend to you!! If you’re feeling frisky, and want to help me feel better about myself, by all means, tell me as many horrible traits about yourself as you want. No judging over on this end.

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