Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Easier than I thought

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I was surprised Saturday at just how easy it was to have everything cleared out of my apartment and on the truck. I was standing in the dining room with trash and traces of a ‘man’s’ move everywhere and didn’t feel much of anything.

A part of me thought I’d feel something. A little emotion, sadness, a tug at the heart, but it was weird. I just stood there with an indifference. The moving day was such a whirlwind. My Dad showed up at 6:45..thank goodness I was up and about already drinking my Dunkin’, and by 8 the first helper showed up. By 8:15, 4 more showed up and by 8:30 2 more. I was shocked so many gave up a part of their Saturday morning to help me move.

My friend provided the donuts and orange juice, along with my entertainment (the only other female with me), and the guys were able to knock the entire move out in an hour. It remained a fun day. Who can say moving day was fun and not stressful? Well, I actually can! This is a rarity, I do realize.

After strapping everything down nice and tight, we got started on the 1 1/2 hour drive, and though I felt guilty, I passed my Dad with the trailer on the freeway so I could drive ‘my speed’. 55mph doesn’t sit well with me. Only my Dad and I were around to unload everything into my storage unit, but we managed to complete it in a little over an hour and keep everything light. A Christmas miracle indeed. Especially when I saw my new dresser leg had a scuff and my couch had dust all over it. Biting the tongue comes in handy at this point.

Its hard to throw fits when I think of all the help I had that morning.

I went back to the apartment yesterday to finish off the cleaning to return all the keys, and again it wasn’t weird. After meeting with the landlord who gave me two thumbs up on the cleanliness, I walked through one last time for good measure and said goodbye.

..I said goodbye to an apartment. Ok, that’s weird, but its what I do.

After so much stress and being so overwhelmed, it was a relief to find I wasn’t attached to this place. Maybe deep down I always knew it wasn’t where I would stay, where I’d settle, so I never allowed myself to have that emotional attachment to it, who knows, but I closed the door one last time and didn’t look back.

I see a lot of new things. A lot of adventures and that fresh start I talk (to myself) so much about. This is it.

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Monday, August 19, 2013

Bruises and hangers

I have bruises all over my arms and legs, but that’s what generally happens in a move. You bump things, carry heavy boxes and get some scrapes too along the way. 4 years I lived in the same place. The longest I’ve ever lived in one place in my entire adult life. I didn’t expect to be here this long, but regardless, its come to an end on almost 4 years to the day.

I’m fighting back tears and I’m sure as I keep typing, they’ll eventually fall because this whole process has been incredibly overwhelming, emotional and stressful. Not to mention humbling. So very humbling. 2 days before actually moving, I cried a lot. I was so overwhelmed by everything still left to be done. Boxes, trash and large amounts of my stuff all strewn over darn near every inch of my floors. I’m a very clean and tidy person and having everything everywhere was more than my brain could handle and I broke down often that day.

I never knew it but hangers are my Achilles heel. My complete undoing. I walked away from packing my many hangers at least 4 times, my brain couldn’t take it anymore. I was left staring at them, just staring at them blankly and eventually would walk away defeated.

They defeated me that day.

The day before the move was a completely different day. It was as if all the trauma and drama of the day before hadn’t even happened. I was functioning, positive and able to make progress little by little. Not to mention conquering the hangers and even taking it in stride when they started fighting back.

Only a few knew I was moving. And many of them, I told mere days before leaving when I’ve known it was coming for weeks. It was hard to talk about. A failure of sorts, though I know I’m not a failure, its still hard not to think so. It got to a point where I had to face the facts. I was looking for jobs everywhere but where I was living, and I had virtually nothing coming in since quitting my job, so why stay in an apartment I couldn’t afford any longer?

I chose to quit my job, I chose to put myself in this situation and I chose to accept my parents offer to stay with them until I found the job that would help me get back on my feet. They didn’t have to do that. They could have ‘taught me a lesson’, and refused to take me in, since this is all my doing, my choice. And I’m thankful to them for not.

I’m not a freeloader. I’ve told myself that over and over again. (I’ve read that sentence over and over again) I’m not. This is only temporary. I believe it. My parents believe it, its only temporary.

It’s still hard. Its going to be hard for them. Its going to be hard for me. Its going to take some adjusting. I’ve been on my own since I was 21. Lived by myself for 6 1/2 of those 11 years. We all have our own way of doing things, so there will be a learning curve for all of us as I get settled in.

Once this all settles, I hope to pick things back up here. I’m hoping so, any way. I have some fun things coming up, so I’m looking to turn my heaviness that’s been lurking here for awhile into a much lighter space.

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Monday, August 12, 2013

You’re a good friend when

Guys! GUYS!! I’ve been absent for some time, I know.. I probably should say ‘guy GUY!’..kidding.

Things have been crazy, and hectic and insert every non topic specific line that will stay vague because I’m just not up for delving into things just yet, BUT I had one of those weekends, and I had to come back to life.

You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that have cool things happen, where things go your way and you’re left giggling like a little girl even though you’re fighting to control yourself in front of complete strangers but continue to giggle any way… yeah, those! And I actually had one! And I actually giggled..a lot.

Saturday I had a yard sale. Yes, another one! But this time I actually used my brain and instead of troubling friends to use their front lawns, I decided to use the apartment complex’s front lawn that sits right up against the main street. Why didn’t I think of this sooner, I will never know. I set up all the things I wanted to sell and in my mind, it was a lot. In the mind of passer-bys it apparently didn’t look that ‘big’. Regardless, my goal was to get rid of as much as I possibly could, and it worked! Furniture, kitchen things, tables, chairs, you name it, I really wanted to sell it.

It was such a great success. I rewarded myself with a nap, ice cream, a movie and a cheeseburger from Sonic. Something I never do, but the craving for red meat was more than I could bare and Sonic is the only decent burger joint here.

Sunday I made my way to church and what do I see? But a beautiful dresser in someone’s yard with a for sale sign. My first thought was ‘its gorgeous’. Second thought was for my friend who’s been looking for a dresser for her daughter. Hoping she was at church for me to tell her, I looked around but she wasn’t there. Afterward, I was determined to be the great friend and stop at the house to take pictures of the dresser, and when I did, the older couple came out to talk to me.

The nicest couple I’ve ever met. He explained he restored the dresser himself and from there we struck up a conversation. Within a few minutes of us talking, he says ‘come with me, I want to show you something.’ and proceeds to walk toward his garage. As we’re walking they ask if I was the one that had the yard sale, and little did I know they had stopped to browse through my things.

He opens his door to all of his current projects. Gorgeous pieces he’s restoring and my jaw drops. I can tell he’s proud of his work, and rightly so. They thrift, search yard sales and go antiquing in hopes of finding new projects for him to do and sell them.

Minutes later his wife says, ‘come inside, I have to show you what I’ve done!’ and they usher me into their home. Their home that has me in awe. Gorgeous, clean, and 100% my style. This couple in their 60’s has the same taste I have and I connect with them immediately. They give me a tour of their home, pointing out all the pieces he had restored and as we enter their sitting room, I express my love over their coffee table. A short time later, I get their numbers for my friend, and headed home.
From there I have a battle of conscience. I pull up my friend’s name to text her, but can’t bring myself to do it. What if she ACTUALLY wants the dresser?! then I couldn’t get it. But I don’t need the dresser right now. Back and forth. I call my mom, and my mom is the perfect enabler, and I call the couple up to tell them I’ll buy it. His first words were, ‘I thought this was supposed to be for your friend?!’…yes, I’m horrible. I want it for myself.

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I return to their house and as we talk, he leads me to his garage again and tells me to follow him to the back. Once I get there, he points down at a coffee table and says, ‘do you want it? Its yours if you do, I’ll give it to you.’

I’m floored. Its almost identical to theirs, and I’m speechless. for free??!

I had sold my coffee table in the yard sale and hadn’t planned on getting a replacement, so this was an amazing blessing.

We load both up in our cars, they follow me to my apt. and help unload it inside, and I couldn’t stop giggling I was so excited. He thanks me for giving him more space in his garage now for his other projects and I can’t stop thanking him for his generosity.
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They have my number now with the next item I want, and I’m so excited.

My friend still has no idea, and well, I don’t want to rub salt in a potentially open wound, so I’ll keep this little dresser adventure from her, but guys, I can’t even tell you how thrilled I am to have these pieces. And how thankful I am to this couple who so generously gave their time to me yesterday.

It was a great weekend that kept getting better throughout the day, and it reminded me how grateful I am to my Savior for everything. For the ups and downs, the rough roads I’m on right now and the little joys that I find while on them.

How was your weekend? What’s one thing that had you giggling in joy and thankful for?

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