Friday, September 30, 2011

My last first date

I’m making the hour long drive into Modesto from my parents house. Right before leaving, I shared my news with my mom, that I was going on a date with a guy I met online. Having those words come out of my mouth were embarrassing to say the least, but it was a fact that I couldn’t deny.

After donning this exact outfit and getting my mom’s approval, I hopped in my car and made the long drive into town.

I was nervous, very nervous. So nervous, I stuck 2 napkins that I brought under each arm to keep from sweating on my top. This was very important to prevent…don’t want to give the wrong impression right from the start! The entire drive, I’m fighting the butterflies and by the time I find a parking spot at the restaurant, they’re flying uncontrolled.

I see him crossing the lot toward my car. My first thought was, ‘how did he know it was my car?’ but I realized who else would be parking a white State issued vehicle at Olive Garden? My second thought was, ‘he didn’t get very dressed up for the date.’ There he wears a polo and khaki shorts w/his sneakers. But I pay it no more mind as I have new, more serious matters to think over.

To hug? Or shake hands?? I mean, we’ve been emailing for a couple months now, so shaking hands seemed too formal, so a quick hug hello seemed the only way to go. After checking in with the hostess, we wait outside for our table. And the talking begins.

Easy flowing conversation about anything and all. He complements me on my shoes, zebra print flats, and I’m more than tickled he took the time to notice. The longer we stand there, the more the sun is bright in my eyes and before I know it, he steps between me and the sun, blocking it completely.

This simple, unprovoked thoughtful gesture, has me taken with him completely. He did it on his own. Maybe I’d been around men without manners for too long, who only do a kind gesture to get something in return, so the fact it was done without my asking or expecting anything from me, was more than I could handle at that moment.

I make all the ‘been single too long’ mistakes.
Open the doors myself.
Put in my name to the hostess before he can even make it to her, and the worst of all…

As we’re being led to our table, I go to take my seat when I see he’s following me, around my side of the table. I’m screaming inside, thinking how bold he is to think he can sit on my side with me on the first date! I quickly pull out my chair and sit and notice his hesitation before pulling his own out, on the other side and sit down. I realize at that moment; he wasn’t going to sit on my side, he was going to pull my chair out for me.

No man had ever pulled my chair out. Once again, I was taken with him.

As we go through dinner, time seems to stand still. Hours are passing, the servers have ceased to serve us, allowing us the privacy they clearly saw we wanted and the attraction and familiarity between us two grows more and more. He eats off my plate, and I don’t mind. He gives me some of his food off his and I gladly take it. 4 hours have passed when we decide we probably should let the restaurant have their table back but are reluctant to call it a night.

He hugs me goodbye and there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I was going to see this man again.

Not a shadow of a doubt in my mind, that he was the man I was going to marry.

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Thursday, September 29, 2011

The first call {part three-final}

Read part one  and part two

6 days go by since the first call.

I’m swept up in work but have also been consumed by thoughts of calling him. Each day that goes by, my nerves win out and I can’t bring myself to call.

By day 6, I’ve mustered enough courage to hold the phone in my hand with his number in the other. I stare at it for a good 5 minutes before finally punching the numbers in and hitting send.

My heart is pounding, my palms are sweating as it rings and then; he answers.

”Hi, this is Emily.”
”Emily. We spoke last week. How are you?”

I’m silently panicking. He doesn’t remember who I am?! Why did I call!?

And then my heart calms and I can’t help but smile as he explains that I sound nothing like I did before, not recognizing that it was me.

I was no longer sick. The man voice was gone. It was now, just me. As he tells me he likes this voice much better, I begin to relax into what was becoming an easy conversation between the two of us.

After over an hour goes by, he invites me to see the Blue Angels in San Francisco with him. It was not my idea of a first “meeting” since we’d be driving 2 hours away together, and I started to get nervous.

But knowing this, he suggests we meet in a neutral location at the midway point for us both, the weekend before. We agree upon The Olive Garden in Modesto. Directly off the highway, a very busy restaurant, an easy first meeting place. It was perfect.

via Olive Garden

We get off the phone and I sat there thinking what could this possibly become? I’m about to go on my first date…er... meeting, ok, date with a man in years. I knew I wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all myself that this wasn’t a date. Could this possibly be the man God wants me to be with?

The first thing I knew I needed to do was conspire with my sister. She lived the closest to the restaurant, only 15 minutes away and I needed to stay at her place in order for this to work.

And that meant letting her in on this little secret I’d been keeping from everyone. That I going to meet a man I met on a Christian dating website.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The first call {part two}

Read part one here.

The phone rings. I let it ring the appropriate 2 rings to have the caller i.d. come up to be sure it’s him.

And it is.

I take a deep breath and say hello.

We begin talking, asking and answering each other’s questions. As I hear him talk more and more I begin to relax with the sound of his voice. It’s a nice voice. Manly, yet gentle. He has a sweet southern accent that I’m finding adorable. I continue to ask him questions just so I can hear it more.

We don’t let the fact that I’m sick or that my voice is deeper than his get in the way of us talking and laughing for hours.

As the hours go by, and we get more and more comfortable with each other; he asks if I’d want to meet.

I sit there frozen.

”Like a date?” I ask completely petrified of the possibility.

I catch him off guard with this question and he tells me it doesn’t have to be if I didn’t want it. We could simply meet up, at a single location, where there might be food and drinks.

I sigh a huge sigh of relief. “Ok, I could do that.”

He knows I haven’t been on a serious date in years and understands he has to go slow with me.

I remember at that point, that I’m working at another facility for 2 1/2 months and won’t know my schedule yet, not to mention I’ll only have my cell and I hadn’t yet given him that number.

As we near the end of our 3 hour conversation, he tells me to call him once I get settled in at the other facility.

The ball is in my court. I can either call him in a few days or let this all die within the 2 1/2 months I’ll be gone.

We say goodbye and that following Sunday, I pack my bags and drive to the other facility.

6 days go by since that first call.

Read part three here

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The first call {part one}

I can barely breathe, and it’s not just because I’m sick. I’m impatiently sitting on my couch with my phone sitting next to me waiting for this man to call.

A man I’ve physically never met before. A man I just gave my phone number to, while IM-ing 10 minutes earlier.

Emails with pictures have been exchanged back and forth for 2 months, IM-ing for 1 month; as we get to know each other more and more. We’re going back and forth and he suggests this night, that he call me. My palms get sweaty. I quickly type I’m sick and not sure it’s a good idea, since my voice is gone.

He assures me he doesn’t mind. Yet, I stress again that I lost my voice and joke that I sound like a man. He writes, ‘haha’ and again says it won’t bother him.

I give him my number and say, ‘give me 10.’

I’m nervously sitting there staring at my blank tv wondering what he’ll sound like. If he’ll be as interesting as his emails or as funny. Wondering if he’ll like me, find my voice too deep, not mattering it’s because I’m sick, or find me too sarcastic.

I think back to the first email he ever sent me and how after reading it, I walked to the mirror and stared at myself feeling butterflies in my stomach from just his words alone. And wonder, how, with not even knowing what he looked like, his words could effect me in such a way. Realizing that this feeling hadn’t been felt for anyone in years. Then suddenly…

The phone rings.

Read part two here.

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Monday, September 26, 2011

I’m thankful for 32

AH! What a weekend. I’m still recovering from it! It was a crazy boozing it up kind of weekend. Ok, not really, I’m not a boozer. But it was a very busy busy weekend for me that I’m still yawning over.

I’m thankful for:

- playing photographer to my sweet friend and her newborn. It was my 1st ever actual photo shoot…that didn’t involve fruit and I have to admit, it wasn’t easy. at all! I know some have asked to see them, and I promise I will show a few once they’re all good and ready…but soon.

- my skin clearing. I know its bad when I tell my friend the name of what I have and she texts back saying, ‘how yuk! The online description sounds terrible.’ …ah, thank you friend for your unabashed honesty. It was yuck..a yuck I dealt with for 8 months since I thought I could ‘treat’ it on my own. Silly me.

- waking up at 3am thinking someone was climbing into my bed only to realize it was my dream instead. A very very bad dream. {in the dream} the guy was about to kill me. Yep, awesome.

- finally bringing my gun back into my bedroom from the living room. {yes, I have a gun..more than one. yes, I had it in the living room for awhile…} After that dream, I knew I needed to bring it back for peace of mind.

- winning Sam’s giveaway. I’m pretty darn happy about it and she really is the sweetest ever. She has killer recipes too, if you don’t know Sam, you have to go meet her.

- a great weekend with my mom and sister. It was chaotic and stressful but so much fun.

- my whiteboard on my fridge that gets me through my ‘want to be down’ moments. Every time I see this, I start singing the song and can’t help but get upbeat.

You know this song, right?

Yes, I sing this, almost all day long I sing this. And because I know you want a livelier version, here’s a cat’s version. You’re welcome.

Your turn. What song do you sing to keep your spirits up? Its ok, you can be honest, this is a circle of trust, here.

ooohh, stay tuned tomorrow. I’m telling a little story you may or may not just like. Some have asked for it, all have secretly longed for it <some may not be aware of their longing, just yet>, so come on back tomorrow to get your fix. = ) Pin It Now!

Friday, September 23, 2011

I confess..

Linking up with Mamarazzi over at Dandelion Wishes, for the first time, today. = )


I confess..
I hand wash all my dishes even though I have a perfectly good working dishwasher. I use it only to hold the dishes to dry.

I confess..
if I want something..anything, I have to bite my tongue to keep from ‘casually mentioning’ it to G-man, because, he will get it for me, no matter what it is.

I confess..
when he randomly calls me up and asks if I want an iPad, Bose noise cancellation headphones, camera lens, ect…I have to tell him no. Even though I really want them, I still say no because he will buy it all. And it is hard!

I confess..
I love him oh so much, and not just because he likes to buy me things, but because he really is the most sweet hearted generous caring man, I know….and he’s pretty darn cute to me.

I confess..
I don’t understand when other bloggers complain about getting mean and rude anonymous comments. You have the power to change your settings to prevent people from leaving anonymous comments but yet you complain month after month about getting one after another.

I confess..
I always wonder if they just like complaining about them to get attention and sympathy from other bloggers and their readers.

I confess..
I’ve always wanted to be pregnant and to know what it feels like to be pregnant. Always!

I confess..
about 50% of my days, I don’t want kids..which contradicts the whole pregnancy thing.

I confess..
I hang up mid sentence on bad customer service reps and call back pretending I get disconnected, just so I can talk to someone much better..and it works every time.

and I confess..
Every time I spell the words ‘every’ and ‘time’ I put them together. My brain keeps thinking its 1 word and I believe they should just go ahead and make it 1 word. everytime… <—who’s with me?!

Wow, that was kinda fun.

Have a super duper great weekend, everyone!!

oh and please know, I’m not talking about you regarding the blogger/comment thing. I have never heard any of you complaining about it….just others.

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Thursday, September 22, 2011

It’s a joke

Remember this post where I said I was officially retired? Its over its done…yada yada??

Well, let me let you in on a little secret…
Image via pinterest by tmlCreations

…I’m not 100% retired, per se..

By all accounts, I’m retired per my retirement company. They believe there’s nothing more to be done, said or figured out. I’m retired and they’ve happily handed over disability checks for the past 2 months.

But the silly Department of, lets narrow it down more..the silly prison I used to work in, has not retired me. So here I sit with an active Peace Officer’s ID. Along with paperwork that states, I’m active…just out for medical reasons, at this time.

I’ve called the personnel office more times then I can count. The woman who is in charge of my paperwork hasn’t returned my calls in…oooohh, 9 months. She refuses to call me back. Her boss…just as incompetent, isn’t helping.

I talked to the Return to Work Coordinator 2 months ago, to inform her I’m retired and she was shocked at the news and thanked me for letting them know. They blame my retirement company for not being given the information for them to start their end of the retirement process (which is pretty involved, requiring me to go BACK to the prison I used to work and get many signatures as well as sign numerous papers, myself. Not to mention, turn in my active ID and get a ‘retired’ one). So when I called my retirement company to help speed things along they denied any issues, stating they informed the prison and the woman in charge. (my special specialist)

So, the whole I used to be a Sergeant post I did way back when?? kinda isn’t 100% I thought. I’m technically still a Sergeant, thanks to CDC not doing their job.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I’m human too

I know I’ll be bursting some bubbles with this post, but I’m human too. I think bad things, act unbecomingly and am. not. perfect.

I know! It was hard for me to accept too.

I could blame it on my time in prison. (I seriously find it fun to say that sentence, since obviously (for those first time readers) I didn’t do time in prison). My mind was put further in the gutter since working in prison.  -I blame it on the men. Filthy men!-

But to prove my mind isn’t always in the most pure and clean state of mind at all times, here’s just a tiny example.

See this picture? Every time I would look out G-man’s window, I’d see this word and couldn’t help but want to take a picture of it while someone was standing next to it…from behind. 
IMG_4278 (1024x691)

Are you picturing it??

I’m not necessarily proud of this, especially when I shared my picture idea with G-man. He just looked at me with that look. You know, the look they give when they think we’re just a little bit too crazy and a wee bit immature?? Yeah, that look. But I still chuckle to myself every time I see this…and kinda wish I’d done it.

Darn sin nature… I’m accepting any and all prayers on my behalf.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Who knew it was warm?

I sure didn’t.

Apparently if you fully submerge your body into the ocean that is the Pacific, specifically near Hawaii, you won’t think the water’s cold but rather pretty warm. To the point of not wanting to get out, its so nice.

Who knew?!

On my very last day in Hawaii, G-man and I went jet skiing. Can I just say it was awesome!? Because it was. First time ever riding on one and of course, first time actually being in the water, you’ll remember my desire to stay out of it awhile back, and I can’t tell you how much fun I had. We had!

G-man drove from the start and he did everything possible to buck me off…and succeeded on the 4th turn. We both flew off, landing in the water. Our first words out of our mouths, after laughing were, ‘wow, the water’s pretty warm.’ (he’s also a big avoider of ‘cold’ water) We wanted to stay in longer, but we kinda paid for the jet ski so we climbed back on.

I held onto him for dear life through every whip, jump and turn; laughing and screaming.

let me pause. I seriously didn’t know I was a screamer. With every big bump hit or the chance of sliding off, I would scream. Learned something new about myself…I’m a bit of a girl…

We were having the best time, and then less than 10 minutes left to ride, G-man suggests, nay, forces me to drive. After finally conceding, I take the reins. With the first boost of power, I feel G-man sliding off the back taking me with him since he’s holding onto my vest. (I’m seriously laughing typing this out. It’s so funny even thinking about it again.)

Imagine a grown man clutching onto the vest of a small woman, slipping slowly, more and more off the back of the jet ski pulling her further and further away from the handle bars with just her fingers tips remaining, then she lets up off the gas and WHAM! he slams into her back from the force of stopping.

Apparently, the fact there was now almost 100lbs more weight on the back, changes the whole ride. crazy weight distribution thingy. So, after he took on the grip of death onto my vest, we were off. I had such a thrilling time driving. It took every ounce of strength to keep my body down since the wind kept pushing me up and away.

But then it happened. As I’m going at around 40 mph, I feel him slipping away…and taking me with him. Next thing you know, we’re crashing hard in the water. So hard, my booties flew off my feet and the jet ski is a good 20+ feet away.

We both look at each other and once we know we’re both ok, start laughing and begin our long swim back to the jet ski. Even the captain hopped on a jet ski to ride out to make sure we were ok.

Needless to say, we were worn out afterward. Taking a quick nap on the couch in the middle of a football game. (you know he was tired if he slept during his Saints.) but it was a great way to end my trip and I’m so happy we both learned the water is in fact, warm.

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Monday, September 19, 2011

I’m thankful for 31

Monday. It always wipes away everything from before and leaves you with a clean slate.

A new start to a new week, with hopes of a better turnout than the one before. That’s what I’m hoping for this day.

Last week was a tough one for me. The first full week I was back home from Hawaii. What possibly was, the longest week of my life. I’ve had long weeks before, but last week drug on like its never drug before.

During the many ups and downs, but mainly downs, I struggled to find the few things I was thankful for. But I did. Because I have amazing people around me, who filled up my time to keep the lonely thoughts temporarily at bay.

This week, I’m thankful for:

- my unusual busy schedule throughout the week.

- physical therapy for my feet. Finally getting started on it with a long ways to go. I admit, needing to explain to multiple therapists that each foot had a surgery with 4 affected areas making it a total of 6 surgeries in all, gets pretty annoying. They just can’t seem to comprehend the need for therapy on BOTH feet at once. But it’s a test a patience that I’m working through.

- my sweet friends who let me get my newborn baby fixes by letting me hold their 3 week and 5 week olds. My left bicep was sore for days afterward. ha!

- awesome skype conference dates with LeAnna and Tatiana. We “purposely” did a throw back to the 3-way phone calls only on skype since we weren’t able to video conference. What turned into a 15-20 minute max conversation, turned into a 2 hour one. Can’t wait to do it again, only with video!!

- all the twitter comfort during my boo hoo tweets. You all are the best.

My weekend faired a lot better. There’s nothing like getting in the word and talking it out with God to really help soothe my soul. Now it’s just a matter of staying close to Him so I won’t fall off the deep end again. That’s the trick.

Do you see Monday as a way to start fresh? To let things go and start over?

Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

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Friday, September 16, 2011

Mushy mind

I have a confession.

I told my Dermatologist and the Physician’s Assistant in the room, the story of how G-man and I met. They were impressed.

The appointment was essentially over, the Dr. was telling me all the meds I needed to take and how to take them; when I looked at her with a blank look and said, ‘if you heard the conversation that I had with him (pointing at the PA) you would know that I can’t comprehend a word you’re saying. You need to treat me like a child and write every single instruction down on paper.’

The conversation went something like this:

Him: How’s things going today?
Me: I’m. it’s. well. doing. you? <I kid you not.>
Him: stares at me in disbelief.
Me: stares at him in fear.
Both: burst out laughing.

After explaining to her that I had a redeye flight from HI, landing at 5am in LAX, then driving 3 hours home on zero sleep, she understood. And then started the questions…’why were you in HI?’

So I told the story of us. Also telling the story of Corrections and how I left that, and what I do now and how it’s drastically difference. Night and day. Boy job, girl job.

I had them staring at me, enthralled for a good 5 minutes. They didn’t budge, didn’t look at their watches, just stared at me while I told my stories.

Talk about a captive audience. Who knew I could tell such a great story on no sleep in over 24 hours?

She wrote out all my instructions (good dr.) and they left the room in wonder.

But I feel bad…because I told 2 complete strangers, whom I had just been introduced to 5 minutes earlier, the story of how G-man and I met, when I haven’t even told you.

Its not a conspiracy, I promise. It’s in the works, not 100% complete, but it’s coming and will be coming soon. I know some have asked. Just hold on a little longer for me, please. = )

On a completely related/unrelated note: I’ve noticed a .5% improvement on my skin since taking the meds for a week. This makes me very very happy!!

I hope you lovelies have a wonderful weekend. Happy Friday!!

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Thursday, September 15, 2011

I’ve been rewarded

The ever so sweet, loveable, adorable, wonderfully worded and beautiful Angie at Living Aloha tagged me in the Versatile Blogger Awards! Yay! Thank you, Angie!! You are the best!

If you don’t know Angie, please, go introduce yourself. She’s great, you’ll love her. And tell her I sent you.

The rules are clear:
- Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.
- Tell your readers 7 things about yourself.
see below, check
- Give this award to 3 bloggers.
I changed it to a manageable 3 (it was up to 15!) and check
- Contact those bloggers and tell them the exciting news!
soon to check

Way back in the day read: May, ‘11, I gave 7 random facts about myself and lucky for you, I’m pretty random so I have plenty more to share. Ironically 1 of the 7 involve my love of cheese and appropriately enough I was screaming at Angie just how much I love fried cheese, Tuesday. I pray I’m never lactose intolerant because I love me some cheese.

Okay, on to the 7!

1. I’ve walked on a 10ft long bed of hot coals..twice. I was also told I was the slowest walker of the group. Never once feeling pain..except the very last step when a coal got stuck between my toes.

2. I have recurring dreams about me going the bathroom. I will not elaborate beyond, its always me. a toilet. and a wide open room w/people all around. And it almost became a reality when I walked into a park restroom in HI where there was 1 toilet with NO door (on purpose)…and women around.
…did I mention I had that dream the night before??

3. When I first moved to Los Angeles, for 3 months straight, I ate chocolate every single day. I craved it and could never get enough…after a 15lb gain, I was forced to cut back to every other day.
4. I once body slammed a girl fighting for a jump ball during a basketball game. She had to be helped off the court. (I was a bit competitive. And yes, it was legal.)

5. The first time I ever fell asleep in class was in the 3rd grade. That started many many years of sleeping in classes for me.

6. I am available 24/7. When G-man or my mom, calls or texts and I don’t answer or call back within 5 minutes (on the off chance I can’t answer), they start to worry and proceed to leave a very concerned voicemail or multiple texts of concern.

7. Because I AM so available, whenever you tweet me or text me, I’ll purposely wait a couple minutes so you think I have a life even though I got your text/tweet the moment you sent it. Often times, because I force myself to wait…<to look good in your eyes>, I forget you texted/tweeted me, which is why I prefer to respond immediately.

Alrighty rooty! On to the tagging. These 3 ladies, I’ve really come to enjoy getting to know. I hope you check them out if you haven’t had a chance yet!

Tabitha with My Cliffnotes

Laura with Everything else and everything in between

Megan with Mackey Madness

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

It’s possible…quite possible

You never know something will ever happen until, well, it happens. So with that I have a few things for you that happened that I just didn’t think would…all while at the airport or on the plane last Thursday night.

It’s possible…

- to see the same people who got on the boat right after you to ride jet skis that morning, boarding your plane that night.

- to be forced to follow an airport person through another line only to go 4 feet and put back in the original line behind the people you were intending to stand behind. (it went straight, then left, then straight for 4 feet, then right, then straight.)

- to drop a piece of buttery mayonnaise topped food in your lap hitting both legs, before the flight.

- to be stared at by several people while consuming ice cream, while sitting alone. It apparently looks depressing.

- to have a young couple with 2 boys choose seats in your row in the terminal (where over 100 seats were available), have the little boy begin talking to you and have the parents eagerly search for “better” seats faaaaar away from you.
I’ll get you my pretty….!!


- to hear there’s a ‘state of emergency’ on an arriving plane and watch the old security guards run around panicked when it was still 11 minutes out.

- to find a woman in your seat on the plane and after pointing out her actual seat having the couple in that row give you the evil eye.

- to have a man walking to his seat yelling for the people in front to ‘get out of the way’ and ‘hurry up and put your bags up’ and ‘I want to get to my seat, get out of the isle!’

- to have several people hit the call button thinking its their light button right before taking off and having the flight attendant frustratingly announce over the P.A. that they’re hitting the wrong button.

- to sit on the tarmac for well over 30 minutes w/a ‘maintenance issue.’

- to ask the middle seat guy for his blanket since he isn’t using it only to have him say, he ‘may’ use it later.

- to watch the isle seat guy that gave you his blanket, steal the middle guys’ blanket an hour later while he slept.

- to have to go the bathroom 5 minutes after sitting down in your window seat.

- to awkwardly straddle the middle seat guy that you insist not get up while you get out and back in for the restroom. not the finest of moments.

to sleep a total of 20 minutes on an overnight 5 hour flight.

Yes, that was all in one night.

Do you have similar or equally odd airport stories? I want to hear them.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Is it because I’m fat?!

I’ve kept it no secret that I’ve gained weight…well, not really weight since my weight is the same, but I am chubby for this body. Chubby enough that my jeans were so tight that it cut into my stomach on a 10 minute outing …out getting hot wings and breadsticks at the local pizza joint that was only 3 blocks away and I drove *ahem… and made me bloated (you’re welcome for that TMI there). Those jeans have since been retired…for now.

But I’ve been currently sporting cankles (from swelling) and thankles and tree trunks for thighs. It’s a pretty sight and that 6 pack I showed those months ago?? Its currently a soft and pudgy 2.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I’ve been getting a lot of “attention” lately and it’s really caught me off guard. Ever since I turned 30, I feel like I’m getting a lot of looks from guys. Trust me when I say, I never paid attention nor made it a point to notice when someone’s looking at me/checking me out so when I’ve been randomly looking up to see guys staring at me or calling out to me, it’s made me ask, why now?!

And they’re bold about it. So bold they’re doing it with G-man right next to me. At one point, G-man and I were driving through the Marine base and as we passed this group of guys talking, I politely smiled (since they were on my side of the truck) and looked away, but G-man watched as they looked at me and 1 stared me down apparently not showing him the proper respect.

Then another group of guys did the same. ..and another. Then a guy here and there would make a comment to me when I walked by.

Oh and here’s where it gets creepy and funny and awkward to the point of me wanting to take a shower afterward.

A woman who was standing outside his building said to him about me as he and I were walking by, ‘sexxxyyyy’ She called me sexy. We were stunned…and confused and dumbfounded. And of course the rest of the day G-man proceeded to call me sexy like she did to poke fun.

I do not know where this attention is coming from. I’m currently having horrible skin to the point of going to the Dermatologist, I’m pudgy as ever and just not exuding that confidence to garner attention.

And to round this out, I’ll show a completely random awkward cellphone picture of me, w/G-man cut out of course, right before riding bikes.
First time w/a bike helmet on, I felt silly. and no, this isn’t a recent picture. Like I’d torture myself doing that!
Let me ask you all a question.

Do you find when you’re feeling your worst, whether it be a bad hair day, less makeup day, feeling ‘soft’ or just not pretty; that those are the days people notice you? Where they might even compliment you on how you look?

Now if so, how do you respond? Do you say, ‘oh gosh, I look a mess.’ or ‘puh, what are you smoking?!’ or do you say, ‘thank you’ and take the compliment?

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Monday, September 12, 2011

I’m thankful for 30

So, I’m home. I’ve barely had a moment to breathe since being home, but I’m home. I’ll have to tell the craziness of Friday in another post, because it was crazy. Crazy busy, crazy people, just darn crazy.

How’d you hold up over the weekend? Mine was exhausting but good.

I’m thankful for:

- being able to stay a few more days. It was memorable and needed and loved.

- all the times G-man would clean up after me. He’s wonderful with cleaning the kitchen when I make dinner. It’s our agreement as he says he’s happy to clean as long as I cook. And true to his word, he cleans. Though the day I cooked all those meals, he expressed his dislike for how messy I was. hehe

- attending a college volleyball game. Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. We went and watched Hawaii vs. UCLA and after seat hopping from the nose bleeds to some darn good seats, I enjoyed the game so so much. I love volleyball!!
we were about 4 rows from the very very top.
photo (25)

- my eyesight. I honestly take this for granted. I can’t imagine being blind and missing out on all the beauty every day. I always say if I could choose between deaf and blind, it’d be deaf hands down. Seeing God’s beauty is such an honor that I pray I’ll always get to see it.

- my 2 skype dates. My first skype dates ever with other bloggers and it was great…except for the whole freezing screen, losing connection thing. But I loved seeing and talking to the sweet LeAnna and then 30 minutes later getting to talk to the sassy Tatiana. Can’t wait for our 3 way date this week!

- all of you. I saw that I lost a follower and even though I wonder why, I’m ok because I still have all of you and you guys are truly awesome. You’ve made my days exciting and I look forward to hearing from you and just wanted to say thanks for hanging out with me.

- coffee date with my friend an hour after I got home. It was a great time to catch up and spend some needed girl time together.

So lay your weekends on me. The good the bad the ugly. How were they?

Here’s to a great start to the week!

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Friday, September 9, 2011

Full of yourself much?

Look who’s house we found while driving around the other day? Completely on accident since we were just driving through a pretty neighborhood.
Hi, I’m Dog the Bounty Hunter and I love myself just a little bit.
How conceited to you have to be to have your face and name on your gate?!

side note: G-man was really embarrassed that I was taking a picture and kept driving because I was ‘taking too long’. my settings were off, so it took awhile (in reality 5-10 seconds) to get them right to get the picture. So, silly.

I hope each and every one of you has a great weekend filled with just the right weather! Can’t wait to hear how they went come Monday!

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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Sunrise…sunset. Sunrise…sunset

Are you singing that song?? – You’re welcome.

You’d think after the ridiculously busy night of cooking I did Monday, I would have been exhausted, but that wasn’t the case. By 2:30 I was wide awake and never could fall back asleep, so by 4 I figured I would be productive and catch the sunrise…something I don’t do, ever.

For whatever reason, (I blame the lack of sleep) I saw the sun would rise at 6:20 and thought it would actually rise AT. 6:20. Meaning, the sun wouldn’t start moving until that time…I know. It was the lack of sleep, promise. So, when 5:45 rolled around and I saw the sky lightening I was in utter shock. By 6:06, I was on my way to the beach, which was a 15 minute walk to the edge.

On my way, I was able to get the changing sky.

Still walking, the sky was changing fast!

Finally! I make it to the edge and the sun had practically made its debut.

Poking its head through the buildings, telling me hi.

After a long and sluggish day, my eyes took on the beauty that was the sunset. If you follow me on twitter, you would have seen how much I went on and on about it. Angie and I couldn’t stop tweeting about it. It was that beautiful. I showed some of my favorites yesterday, but I can’t help but show more more more today.

And you can be the judge. Do you prefer the sunrise or the sunset from the day?






So, which do you like? Sunrise? Sunset?

Are you one to get up super early to catch the sunrise?

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mood swings at its finest

It happened just like I thought. The day before I was scheduled to leave, my mood changed. And then the smallest of things kept happening to make my mood worse.

We hung around the apt, when on a whim decided to ride jet skis and parasail. After getting ready, stuffing everything into the bag and driving over, we find they’re completely booked. Every where's booked. Labor Day holiday in full force.

I’m disappointed, dejected and down right deflated. My last day in Hawaii and we’re going back to the apt. for his 2 fantasy football drafts. *humbug

I couldn’t help but show my disappointment the whole way back. He made every attempt to find another rental place, but to no avail. My mood soured. I told him just to forget about it, there wasn’t enough time before his first draft any way.

Then while moving my laptop, I knock over my water glass that shatters all over the coffee table and floor. *great

After running over to the mall to exchange some shoes, my mood lifts..slightly. But the fact that I was leaving was still heavy in my mind along with knowing all the things I needed to do that night.

All within 4 hours, I cooked this Tortellini Soupthese chicken enchiladas, where I made my own green sauce and not to forget cooking and shredding the chicken and these Rosemary Rolls. Oh, and I roasted garlic this way. Food is everywhere, plates, pans, counters are dirty and it just brings me down more.

By the time I was ready to roll the enchiladas to put in the baking dish, I grab my first corn tortilla, fold and it splits. NO!! I grab another and roll it, breaks in 3 pieces. My frustration is building. The brand new package of tortillas G-man bought, contain old tortillas. (one VERY frustrating thing about HI, nothing is fresh!) G-man can hear and see my frustration and does everything possible to soothe me. Assuring me, he doesn’t mind broken tortillas, (all while I toss one in frustration)

To me, all I could see was all that hard work, only to lead up to broken tortillas and a horrible presentation.

Then G-man insists I extend my trip for a few days longer. I protest, cry from all the frustration and give a valid argument as to why I should leave the next morning, as scheduled. He listened, pondered, considered and insisted stating, ‘you’re staying! Go change your flight.’

We dive into the enchiladas (which are very delicious) make a run to The Cheesecake Factory for dessert and relax on the couch knowing, I’ll be staying a few days longer.
what I thought was my last sunset

What I was honored and blessed to see the following night. (I couldn’t choose just one)



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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Why risk it?

I decided on this trip that I wouldn’t lay out for the purpose to get tan. I signed the pledge w/{av} to not do so, since skin cancer really is a big part of my family history and there’s no reason to continue to push it the way I’ve done over the years.

So when my friend and I got together and we went to the beach to ‘lay out’ I lathered myself up w/50spf sunscreen. Of course you all saw from Thursday, what happens when I miss certain spots but I’ve been staring at my feet and chest and hips and am kinda freaked that if I didn’t put the sunscreen over everywhere else, my whole body would be in this fire filled pain.

If you saw the rest of me right now, you wouldn’t even be able to tell I was in the sun because I got zero color due to the sunscreen.

I’m like a lot of people, I like to be tan. I feel better, mentally and emotionally (is that weird?) when I’m tan but I’ve finally figured out doing it by the sun isn’t the right way to go about it. But I’ll admit, its hard to accept. I’m sitting out by the pool right now, but under the cabana. I want to be that woman I see, lounging out, getting the rays because I want to be tan!
yes, I’m sitting next to an empty pool. That’s how I roll. ; )

I still think it’s important to get your Vitamin D from the sun and the times I’m indoors bound, after awhile you’ll think I’ve become a ghost with how pale my face is but its so much safer to find a spray tan that works and stay out all together.

I use Arbonne spray tan. For me, it’s the best I’ve found. It actually looks like a real tan. I put some on before I came out to HI, just to take some of the ‘glow’ off.

What spray tans out there have you found that work for you?

Do you throw caution to the wind and fake bake or lay out in the sun? Or do you prefer the ‘milky white’ look?

See, I don’t prefer the ‘milky white’ look on me. I don’t like seeing veins, I don’t like seeing any ‘flapping’ or ‘jiggling’ (there’s a reason body builders are tan in competitions) and I don’t feel ‘good’ when I’m pale.

The only thing that’s keeping me going is, I have to tell myself that my skin will thank me when I’m in my 40’s, 50’s and older! I’ll have smooth, not so wrinkly skin from the sun. I won’t have that ‘weathered’ look like some may have.

What keeps you out of the sun?

Here’s a link that will help you see signs of skin cancer and ways to keep an eye on your skin.

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Monday, September 5, 2011

I’m thankful for 29

My days are limited here in the beautiful state of Hawaii with my love. I’m going to leave my sorrow-filled depressing posts for the future and instead focus on the time I have left with him before I go back home to my empty reality.

oops a little depressing slipped in, sorry.

I do have that problem, where if I know something great is coming to an end, I’ll get distant, drawn, quiet and short with them. Its so hard to fight, and be able to enjoy the last moments because I get upset they have to end. Its something, to this day, I’m working on.

So as I look back at this past week, I’m thankful for:

- cooking real meals. Not just the boil water, stick ramen noodles in, kind of cooking. Full on healthy nutritious meals that fill the belly with happiness, meals. I think my body has been happy for real food this past couple of weeks.

- time spent with my love. ‘nuff said.

- my sweet friend coming to spend the day with me on her day off. The talks that we had were much enjoyed.

- G-man telling me I can have his brand new iPad. Even though I keep talking him out of it and currently have him convinced to ‘hold onto it for now’, I know he will eventually give it to me. His generosity is overwhelming and undeserved. I do love him so.

- experiencing new things with my love. Driving down a new street, climbing a few rocks, eating Malasadas for the first time. Whatever they may be, I love I get to do these new things with him.

- quiet relaxing moments by the pool. There’s something about the sound of the wind blowing through the trees that makes me instantly relax.

- my love treating me to a day of pampering. As he was walking out the door to go to the college football game, he came back in, placed his hands on the back of the couch, looked at me and said, ‘I want you to get a massage. Get a facial too. And get your nails done, the mani/pedi thing. My treat. And if you don’t, it’ll hurt my feelings.’
everywhere I called to go were booked for the massage/facial, but I got my mani/pedi and love them! And him for treating me!
photo (24)
- and of course, the fact that I got to be here in Hawaii. Everything worked out to have me come here and being here was the best thing for this girl.

How did your weekend go? Was it chalk full of activities or quiet and relaxing?

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Friday, September 2, 2011

Waist deep

If I told you, in all my time I’ve spent in Hawaii (and it chalks up to be about 5-6 months total of time) I got in the water for the first official time just a few days ago, what would you say??

When I went to hangout with my friend the other day and we went to the beach, she was shocked I hadn’t been in the ocean. I quickly told her G-man and I swam around in Ko’Olina but she was quick to say it’s man made and doesn’t count. Then I said, we went snorkeling in Hanauma Bay and she dismissed that too.

She’s a surfer, born and raised in Hawaii.em273

But me? If its too cold (and I believe the water is too cold) I’m more than happy to skip it. I’m just not a water person.
I’m a this person…happy to watch the water from a respectful distance
clearly this was ‘pre-burn’

But after laying out in the blazing sun, I had to get in the water to cool off. So we inched in. Ever so slowly and I’m proud to say I got waist deep! We stood there for about 20 minutes before I was ready to get out.

It was a proud moment for me. So much so, that the moment G-man came home from work, I announced to him that I got in the water and it was this high!’ –and yes, I drew a line with my hand on my waist to show him just how high. ..I’m 5 years old sometimes.

Please someone else, tell me I’m not the only person who doesn’t like to get in the cold ocean water?!

After my victory with the water, we realized we were starving. – Do you ever find that you go lay out while you’re hungry? Happens to me every time.

We ate, then headed to the mall to get some crepes. Crepes are popular here. There’s a really good crepe place (or so I’m told) in Kalihi but being pressed for time, we went inside a Japanese Market filled with everything you will ever need…provided you like Japanese stuff.

I admit, the crepe was ok. The fruit inside…delicious. Can’t screw up chopped strawberries and bananas too much. My friend told me to not judge all crepes by this one, since it doesn’t compare to the Kalihi one, which is good, because I’d write them off right there if that was the case.

With bellies filled we headed to Macy’s and posed w/fedoras on. This is my 1st time wearing one and I don’t know how to pull them off properly, but we were getting a bunch of stares as we kept posing in front of the mirror…in full view of everyone.
Good times were had by all and I’m so thankful I was able to see my sweet tiny friend, whom I tower over, while here. Case in point…


I hope everyone has a great weekend. Do lots so we can talk about it on Monday, okay?

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Thursday, September 1, 2011

Missed a spot

I had things to talk about but then I missed a spot or two with my sunscreen and that’s all my brain can think about.

The pain…because, there is pain.

I didn’t realize I forgot to put sunscreen on my feet. You can even see where I stopped with my sunscreen.
photo (22)


I also missed both hips, parts of my chest and the middle of my back in case you were wondering.

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