It all comes to a close

I’m sitting here in the quiet listening to the two clocks compete for the loudest tick tock, as I wish I had socks on because it’s a little chilly in here. In truth, I wish I would get up to go change into my workout clothes, but I did my abs video two days ago, and well, my thighs are ridiculously sore from it… (which is odd when you think it was an abs video, but it’s proof just how much you use your other muscles…), so I don’t want to think about the pain that’s involved with standing up to walk, so I remain seated.

Even though I haven’t been too into blogging lately, I still read everyone’s and as is normal, the common theme now is resolutions and theme words, and I can’t help but feel so far removed from it. I am not one to do resolutions, and though I know many who thrive on the ‘theme word’ for the year, I find it to be just another distraction and false sense of purpose. I’ll put the disclaimer of “for me” at the end of that, so as not to step on anyone’s toes, but ultimately it’s how I feel. And if I may, the idea of waiting until the new year to act on something, whether it’s working out, eating better, acting better or spending less…seems superficial. If a person can’t start something at any other time of the year, why is it believed to be different (and successful) at the first of the year?

I digress.

This year wasn’t anything like what I thought it would be and it ended far from what I ‘planned’, but I remind myself it’s silly to plan anything to begin with and instead trust in God to make it what He wants…despite my protests and grumblings. This next year, I don’t even want to think ahead and imagine, for fear of repeated disappointment, but rather focus on the daily task at hand, which is school, once it starts back up on the 13th.

Life has been on pause for far too many years, but just like a ‘wait until new years to start something’, it’s entirely my fault I haven’t acted and pressed play to get it back up and going. But I’m hoping to change that…ironically at the start of the new year. Does that make me a hypocrite? Or just ironic timing of it all.. Regardless, my focus through it all is on Him, and what I pray, is less on myself.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned these past few months living back with my parents, is that I’m selfish. It’s been hard to stop being selfish. So, less focus on myself, undoubtedly would be a good thing.

No matter if you make goals for the new year or continue on your day to day living, I hope each and everyone of you have a beautiful start to your new year. Maybe that’s what it’s more about. The “hope” of something new, a fresh start, the hope that this upcoming new year will be different from the last.

God willing {for everyone} it will be…

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