Wednesday, May 8, 2013

In all my years of wisdom

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You know those people who are filled with wisdom and the moment they open their mouths, you sit back because you know its going to be worth your while?

I’ve never been one of those people.

I’m the one that hears a beautiful quote, a deep meaningful nugget of advice, a life changing piece of wisdom, and forgets it 30 minutes later. There’s only one piece of advice, a quote really that I read a month ago, that I’ve remembered and actually used on someone recently and that was: It’s not that you need more time, its that you need to make a decision.

Amen and amen.

Maybe I should have used that on day 4 of Jenni’s challenge… but when it comes to advice, I actually have a lot of it. You just have to give me a good 3 days past when it’s actually due for me to come up with it. I’m a thinker after the fact. The best kind, if you ask me. Where in the moment, I’m just ok, but let me think on it 1, 2, 48 hours later and I’ll have the smartest, most well thought out piece of advice for you that will literally blow your mind.

Rarely does anyone want to hear it that much after the moment, but darn if I don’t give it any way, albeit to deaf ears. But if there’s one thing I’m big on, one thing that I’ve learned a lot about through major trial and error, is communication in a relationship.

I’m no expert, but gosh, I’m darn near close to it with what I’ve endured in my relationship. In the 5 1/2 years we’ve been together, we’ve gone from zero communication with fights and frustration and hours upon hours, days upon days of being closed off in between, to having an issue and resolving it within minutes. Feeling one did something wrong and addressing it at that very moment. No stewing. No brewing. No fuss. No muss.

Its taken care of and we move on.

Its an amazing thing. Now I’ll tell you, I still get the sweaty palms heart racing moments when I have to address something with him. I’m not sure that will ever go away, but I gird my loins (yes, yes I do..) and I stutter my way through what I want to say because even though I don’t like confrontation {not one bit}, I don’t like having the internal stress of the imaginary scenarios and the built up frustrations even more. There have been times where I wanted to regress into my non confrontational self and hold things in, but the moment I did for even a few hours longer than necessary, would have me broken. There was nothing I could do but address it. I became this broken sad mess until the moment I began talking about it, and that 1000lb weight I had on my heart, would be lifted.

This hasn’t been the first time I’ve talked about communicating. I blogged about my musing on it almost 2 years ago. And another time almost 1 year ago. I’m really that passionate about it and find it important enough that its becoming an annual topic. So its only fitting it’s my piece of advice to you if you are struggling with communicating now. Take baby steps, write an email or a letter. Take that 3 hours to form your words on paper so they can know just what’s been bothering you and ask them for patience, because you both need a lot of patience to get through this.

-How easy is it for you to communicate?

-Have you fought through it? Or still working on getting better at it?

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2 comments:

sandi said...

that's a great quote! here's one I like:

speak only when your words improve the silence

I am much like you in that given time, I have the best advice. but in the moment nothing seems quite right.

jd likes to deal with things quickly. since he travels some, he can ponder how he is going to word something so that it is an eloquent well thought out comment. with him, I HAVE to take time to think about my response, because in the moment I am too confrontational and defensive. dealing with confrontation makes me feel sick inside!

you would think that after 17 years together, I would know that it is best to just talk about it, get it over with and move along.

Zoe Byrd said...

Ive learned the hard way to just talk it out and stop harboring old grudges. ALdo it is so important to know not to say things as well...People often think communication is talking but its also listening and knowing when to stay quiet.

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