A fruit who muses

Thanks to someone I’ll leave unmentioned but who’s name starts with a T and ends in a –atiana- inadvertently calling me a “fruit” after my post Monday, I will no longer be using the highly intellectual sentence, ‘how do you do.’ I have officially retired it and have chosen to go with the obviously normal sentence, ‘how are you.’
I hope you’re happy.

Although… I’ve noticed a word that’s getting said frequently out the mouth that is mine, and that is “boo.” Not…BOO, I scared you! but boo as in:

Boo, I bought a gallon of skim milk instead of my 2%….or

Boo, I missed G-man’s call.

Do you get the point? What? You want another example? Okay…or

Boo, 10 bees just splattered on my freshly washed windshield. (I live around a bunch of orchards that harvest with bees.)

Ok, so, you get the point, right? So onto my musings. There’s been a lot lately and I feel like I should impart my muses…musI…musings??? onto you.

KIDS! We all love them, but we don’t love them when they don’t look both ways to cross the street to chase after their ball that got away from them. It was like out of a movie…yesterday, driving along when I see the ball roll out into the street. I stop waiting, knowing a kid will soon follow and 2 kids (around 6 and 4) run after it. Don’t even look both ways, just takes off. They never saw me sitting there. Darn kids!

Speaking of driving. Where’d all the nice drivers go? No one acknowledges each other anymore. No, “thanks for letting me in” wave or “thanks for pulling over so I could squeeze by” way or “sorry, I didn’t see you there” wave. Nothing. Just ‘grrr leave me alone, get out of my way’ mentalities. I want the nice drivers back!

I’ve realized when most women ask for my ‘honest’ opinion they really don’t want it. Because when I give it, they get all mad, offended and huffy at me for speaking the truth, and it’s even given gently. Don’t ask for my honest opinion if you don’t want to hear it. know what I’m sayin’? And that goes for when you ask your man. Be prepared for his answer, HE. WILL. GIVE. IT and stop being so offended. sheesh.

Ladies, it’s OKAY to be vulnerable with your man. Really! He actually likes it when you are. It’s ok to cry to him. It’s ok to share what’s troubling you. It’s ok to reveal what’s been taking root in you and beginning to fester. If he’s anything like the man you believed he was when you got with him, he’ll take care of you, treat you kindly and respect what you have to say. And ladies…when he asks you, “what’s wrong” because he really doesn’t know (because you kept it to yourself all this time and are starting to snap at the kids, him and anything that moves)…don’t say, “nothing, I’m fine.” Tell him. How can he help lighten your burden if you never tell him your burden is overwhelmingly heavy?!?

Which brings me to my final musing…communication. You hear the word all the time and know it’s important in a relationship, but how many actually communicates with their partner? We all hate confrontation…but don’t you hate the stress of holding something in because you think it’s better to hold it in until you “let it go”?? Which by the way, you never ‘let it go.’ It sits there and you think about it constantly. Letting it make you angry all over again as you replay it in your mind. Creating imaginary fights over it and getting angrier.

Communication is SO SO important to have a happy and healthy relationship. If he does something that bugs you, tell him and move on. If you aren’t good at it, write it in an email. Take your time getting the right words out and send it to him so he knows what’s bothering you.

A girl did a post about how she hates confrontation inside and outside her marriage and I truly felt compelled to email her my story. About 3% of you actually know my story, so maybe I’ll share the email I sent one day, but know I hated confrontation. It terrified me. And because of it…I suffered.

Now if you want to say (as some have said to me) I don’t know what it means to communicate with a husband because I’m not married, so therefore my advice means nothing to you…I will respond with, “Do you see a male OBGYN? He doesn’t know what it’s like to pass a kid. Why do you take your dog to the vet, when he isn’t an animal?” It’s stupid. Just because I’m not married doesn’t mean I can’t give sound communication advice to a married person.

The communication musing has been lingering in my mind for awhile. I’ve offered help with a couple bloggers out there who have a hard time with it and I’ve gotten a good response from them. If I can help one take the step to get over their fear of communicating then that makes me very happy.

I’ll leave you with a pretty picture I took in L.A.

Happy June by the way!!

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