Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A fruit who muses

Thanks to someone I’ll leave unmentioned but who’s name starts with a T and ends in a –atiana- inadvertently calling me a “fruit” after my post Monday, I will no longer be using the highly intellectual sentence, ‘how do you do.’ I have officially retired it and have chosen to go with the obviously normal sentence, ‘how are you.’
I hope you’re happy. Winking smile

I’ve noticed a word that’s getting said frequently out the mouth that is mine, and that is “boo.” Not…BOO, I scared you! but boo as in:

Boo, I bought a gallon of skim milk instead of my 2%….or

Boo, I missed G-man’s call.

Do you get the point? What? You want another example? Okay…or

Boo, 10 bees just splattered on my freshly washed windshield. (I live around a bunch of orchards that harvest with bees.)

Ok, so, you get the point, right? So onto my musings. There’s been a lot lately and I feel like I should impart my muses…musI…musings??? onto you.

KIDS! We all love them, but we don’t love them when they don’t look both ways to cross the street to chase after their ball that got away from them. It was like out of a movie…yesterday, driving along when I see the ball roll out into the street. I stop waiting, knowing a kid will soon follow and 2 kids (around 6 and 4) run after it. Don’t even look both ways, just takes off. They never saw me sitting there. Darn kids!

Speaking of driving. Where’d all the nice drivers go? No one acknowledges each other anymore. No, “thanks for letting me in” wave or “thanks for pulling over so I could squeeze by” way or “sorry, I didn’t see you there” wave. Nothing. Just ‘grrr leave me alone, get out of my way’ mentalities. I want the nice drivers back!

I’ve realized when most women ask for my ‘honest’ opinion they really don’t want it. Because when I give it, they get all mad, offended and huffy at me for speaking the truth, and it’s even given gently. Don’t ask for my honest opinion if you don’t want to hear it. know what I’m sayin’? And that goes for when you ask your man. Be prepared for his answer, HE. WILL. GIVE. IT and stop being so offended. sheesh.

Ladies, it’s OKAY to be vulnerable with your man. Really! He actually likes it when you are. It’s ok to cry to him. It’s ok to share what’s troubling you. It’s ok to reveal what’s been taking root in you and beginning to fester. If he’s anything like the man you believed he was when you got with him, he’ll take care of you, treat you kindly and respect what you have to say. And ladies…when he asks you, “what’s wrong” because he really doesn’t know (because you kept it to yourself all this time and are starting to snap at the kids, him and anything that moves)…don’t say, “nothing, I’m fine.” Tell him. How can he help lighten your burden if you never tell him your burden is overwhelmingly heavy?!?

Which brings me to my final musing…communication. You hear the word all the time and know it’s important in a relationship, but how many actually communicates with their partner? We all hate confrontation…but don’t you hate the stress of holding something in because you think it’s better to hold it in until you “let it go”?? Which by the way, you never ‘let it go.’ It sits there and you think about it constantly. Letting it make you angry all over again as you replay it in your mind. Creating imaginary fights over it and getting angrier.

Communication is SO SO important to have a happy and healthy relationship. If he does something that bugs you, tell him and move on. If you aren’t good at it, write it in an email. Take your time getting the right words out and send it to him so he knows what’s bothering you.

A girl did a post about how she hates confrontation inside and outside her marriage and I truly felt compelled to email her my story. About 3% of you actually know my story, so maybe I’ll share the email I sent one day, but know I hated confrontation. It terrified me. And because of it…I suffered.

Now if you want to say (as some have said to me) I don’t know what it means to communicate with a husband because I’m not married, so therefore my advice means nothing to you…I will respond with, “Do you see a male OBGYN? He doesn’t know what it’s like to pass a kid. Why do you take your dog to the vet, when he isn’t an animal?” It’s stupid. Just because I’m not married doesn’t mean I can’t give sound communication advice to a married person.

The communication musing has been lingering in my mind for awhile. I’ve offered help with a couple bloggers out there who have a hard time with it and I’ve gotten a good response from them. If I can help one take the step to get over their fear of communicating then that makes me very happy.

I’ll leave you with a pretty picture I took in L.A.

Happy June by the way!!

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GreenGirl said...

I am in between calls now so wanted to catch up on your blog. You are totally right about communication. As you know, I am not married but have really spent a considerable amount of time working on communication with Brian. Does it always work out? Not at all but we are learning to be open. For example, I want to see Miss Saigon (my favorite ever!) with him. He rather have a root canal without pain medication. I don't know who is going to end up budging (but if he would GO to a broadway show...never has been...he may actually like it!!). But I have to respect the fact that he doesn't want to go, and if he finally says no, then I have to let it go. No one wins if I hold that over his head.
I certainly feel that I can truly give communication advice despite being married, because frankly, some of my married friends don't know how to communicate and do NOT fight fair at all.
My pet peeve is holding the door and no one says thank you. I ALWAYS say LOUDLY "YOU ARE WELCOME".
Starbucks is typically the place where that occurs the most.

LeAnna said...

Agree about communication! My MIL avoids confrontation if at all possible and it causes many problems. She becomes an enabler too, and it's just a bad situation all around. Gotta speak our minds (in and out of love!)

Jennifer said...

I loved your little discussions today. :) I say "boo" a lot too...but I call my husband "boo."

Like this:

Husband comes home.

I say, "Hey boo, how was your day?"

There you have it.

Ashley said...

omg...I so agree when it comes to drivers and communication. No one gives the "thank you" wave anymore and people are just insane on the roads now-a-days. Sometimes, I'm scared to drive! I just got back from Chicago and people drive crazy there! I can't complain too much about lil ole North Carolina drivers...except for in the winter time! haha. Communication is key in any relationship. I totally agree..that was a downfall in my last realtionship and the cause of a lot of our issues. Good post!

The Blogivers said...

Musings are the best... I would give some insightful comment in response to some of them, but my brain is half functioning since a certain baby woke up earlier than usual today after I went to bed later than usual last night :) Happy Hump Day!

Tatiana said...

Oh, no you didn't just blame be for the fact that you're a fruit (said as I'm snapping my fingers in your face, neck moving side to side). And don't even pretend like I was the first one to inadvertently call you that.
How's that for confrontation?

And about running kids over... I almost hit one of those little suckers after he ran right in front of my car from behind an ice-cream truck! I thought my heart was going to stop. I was so mad at him once I got my heart from the bottom of my stomach, that I wanted to run him over.

Alisha said...

What a gorgeous picture! Great post too. Found you from Megan :) New follower!

Hope your day is going well!

Sam {} said...

you're a wise little lady! i suck at communicating, but i realize it's SO important. thankfully, i married a man who reads minds (or perhaps i just wear all emotions on my sleeve?!), and he can always get it out of me. seriously though, it's a learned skill!

denise* paper angels said...

Emily!! how true how true. but you left us in suspense about your story!!

communication is so hard sometimes but i guess we have to work on it. and as the body of Christ we more than anyone else don't have to fear condemnation so we shd be the best at it... sadly not always true tho!!

thanks for posting this!x

Dilan Dilir said...

great written!

Megan said...

Oh my gosh, I say BOO all the time. Like seriously ALL the time!!

Erin Pasillas said...

Oh my! You had me laughing out loud, seriously belly laughing at the "it's okay to be vulnerable" section... it's as if you were watching through my window as I snapped at every breathing thing!)...

Great post, and much needed reminders about communication!



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