Monday, January 7, 2013

A holding pattern

Welcome to the very first Monday of the new year! Already in this one week alone, so much has gone on. Its been a busy one! Especially the weekend.

Its taken over 8 months, but I’ve finally made the decision to get myself back. Its been about that long since I’ve actually cooked for myself. I’ve made a meal here and there, but 9 times out of 10, I’ve gone the route of veggies and sweet potato and called it a night. Or just a sweet potato..or just the veggies.

Not exactly the healthiest for me.

I’ve had myself in this holding pattern for so long with little to no motivation or energy to do anything more. A funk if you will and over the weekend, I finally told myself to snap out of it. I’ve held onto a lot of stress lately and its been so draining and it leaves me with no ability to make anything at night. I think all of its been the main reason my clothes are a lot looser and ultimately dropping down a size in pants.

I was shocked and confused months ago when I noticed how loose they were and couldn’t figure out why. I’d synch a belt just so they’d stay on. I cheered with a friend when I tried the next size down and had them fit perfectly, celebrating my new ‘tinier’ size. I size I’ve never been. I thought it was because I was working out consistently that was doing it, but it wasn’t until this past week that I really got to thinking that it might be because I haven’t been eating enough.

To put the fears aside, I’m not anorexic. I actually still weigh the same with the same 5lb fluctuation. And I could easily link back to the week where I ate a buffalo burger every day for a week straight. I love food. There’s no doubt about it. I just wasn’t eating enough.

When I went to the store Monday night last week, I loaded up. On stuff I thought would get me through the week, but what ultimately didn’t last me past Wednesday morning. It was in that moment, opening my fridge and seeing a carton of 1/2 and 1/2 and a couple apples and nothing else, that I realized I haven’t gone grocery shopping in months. I’d go to the store every week, but only for something here or there, but never to actually make meals.

Cooking for 1 isn’t exactly the most enjoyable thing. Its actually downright depressing and tiring and I made sure to avoid it at all costs.

Saturday morning came and I had every intention of making the morning a Costco morning. My weariness won out and I ended up staying warm under a blanket on the couch, eating the bear minimum. I had a jewelry party that night and even though I was starving, I knew she’d have food (as most of them do) and waited until I got there.

Nasty oven baked fake taquitos were her party food of choice. I had 2…and that was my dinner that night.

Sunday, I had more resolve. Even though my energy was zapped, I made the drive to Costco and got as much as I could possibly think of. Then once I got home, I poured over my food board on pinterest, and wrote down all the other things I needed and made the trek to my grocery store. $200 later, I was ready to get to work.

For 3 1/2 hours I cooked.

I made 5 Roasted sweet potato wraps for lunches.
photo 1 (3)photo (5)

5 steel cut oats w/fresh fruit for breakfasts.
photo 2 (3)photo 3 (4)

and 5 dinners of sautéed veggies and chicken.
photo 4 (6)photo 5 (2)

A week’s worth of meals, healthy complete meals, where I can come home, reheat and not have to wonder what I’ll be making. It takes so much stress out of my week knowing I have healthy meals already prepared for me. No more running to Subway and wasting money on lunches. Or making toast in the morning that will only leave me starving by 9am.

I’m ready to eat again, to cook again for myself and get back into a functioning human being who’s not in this stall pattern. Its amazing how much I’ve wasted these past many months but from this moment on, my goal is to make my week’s worth of meals every Sunday and to eat like there’s no tomorrow…even if that means not being able to fit into my new smaller pants.

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