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Did you know its my birthday month? We’re already in the middle of the month and this is the first time I’m mentioning it.. this is in stark contrast to last year where I informed you daily and well before July even happened. But this year feels different. More reserved. More quiet. More up in the air.
I took a hit with the position I’ve been vying for these past 2 months over the weekend, and I didn’t think I wanted to talk about it, and I kind of still don’t, but the gist of it is, they have the same retirement company I do, and if I want this job, I have to forfeit my disability retirement and full coverage health insurance to do so.
And I just can’t. I can’t do that. So over the next couple days, maybe even today, I’ll inform them to remove my name from their list. Out of roughly 50 who tested, I made it down to the top 7, so I’m quite sad about this. I knew I had the job. But I’ve worked hard on keeping my eyes on Jesus knowing there’s something more. I didn’t feel the push and confirmation to quit my job only to meet a brick wall. So I’ve begun climbing it and know I’ll make it over and have everything work out and for His glory.
I’ve found myself a little more emotional than normal. Lots going on in my life, beyond the struggles of finding another job, there’s been so much more that leaves me on the brink a lot. I found what I think is my new tradition to help. I turn on “solo piano” on Pandora and play it over my Bose speaker to softly fill up my room. Nothing else on but the music. I can see me in the winter sipping something warm with my fireplace and blanket, completely relaxed as the music plays. It’s so soothing. But it seems even the music can bring tears to my eyes, so I can’t seem to escape it all together.
Today I get to see the little baby I photographed coming into this world 4 weeks ago. This will be the first time seeing her since her birth, so I know it’ll be a special moment for me.
Thank you to those who were praying for me this weekend, and who still are and for comforting me as you did. You all are incredibly special to me.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Start in the middle
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