Flipping the switch

There’s many times where I can go about my days and appear meek. So meek and mild that people think they can take advantage of me, because I don’t react or my guard is so down, that when someone says something nasty or rude to me, I don’t respond and it doesn’t phase me.

Then there’s those other times where I’m almost looking for it. Where I gear myself up, knowing something is coming and when it does, my switch is flipped and I react faster than my brain is working.

Yesterday, I was split. I was reserved but knew something was coming and simultaneously prepared for it.

While standing in the security line, I eyed the lanes up ahead. One went to the body scan (which I refuse to do) while the other went to the metal detector. I do this every time I go to the airport. I make sure I know which lane to get into for the metal detector to avoid all issues. But I texted G-man while the line crawled forward that I had a feeling I was ‘going to get touched today’. He laughed but with each step closer, I knew the TSA girl was going to be a problem.

Especially since she was blocking the metal detector forcing people to get in the already long line for the body scan. Granted she would let certain people through, but only a ‘certain type’ and knowing she would do this, just made me get geared up more for my turn with her.


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I took my time, hoping she’d step away, but after I pushed my bins through, I pointed at the detector behind her and said I wanted to go through. But she wouldn’t let me. I again told her, I just wanted to walk through since others had, but she refused; telling me I had to go through the scan. I refused. At that moment, she lets the woman directly behind me go through the metal detector, while yelling, ‘WE HAVE AN OPT OUT!’ {wouldn’t you know that just made me more angry} I practically pleaded with her, not seeing the difference between me and other woman.

I’m told to go through, step aside and wait for someone to pat me down. I’m livid at this point and we have a long stare down before I walk away.

:::I can see the headline now: retired Correctional Sergeant in scuffle with TSA Agent:::

I blow up at the girl who has to pat me down. Cutting her off as she describes what she has to do, telling her to ‘just get it done, I don’t want to hear it!’ (because seriously, I've been patted down before and have patted down thousands of people, myself…I know the drill) She feels bad and starts checking my bags. I did have the sense to say I wasn’t upset at her, since she was nice to me and she actually understood.

I work hard on calming down after boarding the plane but the simple fact that whole situation caused me to miss getting food was making it hard to relax. After hours on the flight, I’m back to normal but know any little thing had the potential to set me back and the moment the window seat guy chose to not close the overhead bin for the 2nd time, without a care to the possibility of the bags falling on my head, I slammed it closed so hard, it hurt even my ears. And I thought..why?

What did I gain by doing that? By possibly hurting other’s ears to prove the point of my frustration over this guy’s selfishness and disregard for my safety? It didn’t phase him, but rather made me look like the immature fool for overreacting.

I have so much to learn in this little life of mine. I wonder if I’ll ever have a grip on that little switch that sometimes is so eager to get flipped. I truly wonder because I’m tired of looking like a fool.

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