Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Changes within me

I’ve been going through some changes. No, not the kind of changes where I believe just by taking medication to deepen my voice and that gives me facial hair to make me a “guy”, while getting pregnant just so I can be called the ‘first man to have a baby’ when in all actuality still have lady parts to carry said child…

but the kinds that involve my personality.

sorry, that really bothers me! She’s a woman!

I’ve been around some new people lately. A lot of new people. And with being around new people come the challenges of personality blending. Sometimes it becomes very easy for me to click and fit right in, but its not always a good thing.

My new personality has been grating on my nerves. The majority of the new people are women and there’s a large amount of women who shine in the gossip division. Or talk behind your back division. I don’t do this and generally don’t encourage them, but sometimes I get that pull to want to know more. So I’ll think of ways to round about ask without showing complete interest.

Because I think, I have to know this for the could be beneficial for myself, so I can be prepared.

Oh the lies we can be filled with to believe its ok to gossip about others! ..and did you know that even though you aren’t contributing to the gossip with words, you’re still gossiping by listening??

But not only that, I’ve found I’ve created this Valley way of speaking. I caught myself doing it all day the other day. Like I’m some sort of valley girl. I can hear it in my head and it makes me cringe. After every sentence I would mentally kick myself, thinking they probably think my IQ has dropped with each word.

Then there was the group of tweens that I came across and I talked like them. It was like an out of body experience watching myself say, ‘hey guys!’ ‘cool!’ all while talking it this high pitched voice! I wanted to gag, I was so disgusted.

I don’t know why I’m doing this but only to think I feel the immediate need to fit in, when I absolutely would rather be myself but myself isn’t letting me do that.

Such a conundrum!

I’m desperate for a balance of it all and in time, I know it’ll come but this me that I’m portraying is enough to never want to be friends with her. Too plastic for my liking.

Do you find when you’re around a new group of people that you change a little bit?

If it does, do you eventually fall back into who you are, or keep with your new persona since it fits better with that group?

Or do you stay true to who you are from the beginning?


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Rachel said...

I find gossip one of the most challenging things in keeping my integrity as a Christian. As you say, listening to gossip is just as bad as speaking it but it's so hard to speak up in a conversation and say 'we shouldn't be talking about this', especially with new people.

In the last few years I have found it easier to be myself around new people, but I do find it stressful as I'm anxious that people like me.

the blogivers said...

I feel like I (often unintentionally) totally alter my personality depending on the people I'm with... usually it's not a change for the bad, but I still feel stupid when I recognize it. But I always go back to my normal old self when I'm with my real friends and family. Interesting questions!

The Heart Of A Woman said...

I was just released from a position where many women gossiped. It is hard to be a light in a position where others seem to have very little light if any, but I know you can be the light!

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (matthew 5:14-16)

meme-and-he said...

I can completely relate to this. I totally start sounding like the people I am hanging out with, especially my laugh! My laugh will change to whoever's laugh I think is the coolest. I am constently working on being confident in who I am, and not trying to morph into lamer versions of other people. God created me for a reason, and I won't find it if I am always altering who I am to match others!

Anonymous said...

For me, I notice that I will take on the mannerisms and voice inflections of the people I am around the most (i.e. my friends). I don't think I change my personality when I am around new people. Mostly because I am so nervous, I hardly speak. :)

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

Complete ditto to what Rachel said up there!

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

I couldn't agree more about the "man" being pregnant... no, a man is not pregnant... a WOMAN is... geeze people, nothing ground breaking about this?!

Jennifer Blair said...

Hehe. I am puzzled about the whole man pregnant thing...confusing. Anyway, I find myself changing slightly to fit in with different crowds. It usually when I first meet people though, then I'm back to my usual self. It's funny that you talk about gossip though. I recently got in a huge mess just by listening and being around it. No good. There's a reason we're not supposed to gossip!

Tabitha Mahoney said...

I'm so not fun to be around when you first meet me, because I don't like to just share my life with coworkers I think there's a def line between professional and personal. But once I get comfy and know who I'm working with then game on, I'm open and fun. But my coworkers were really intimidated at first and thought I didnt like them but it was just me not knowing them. lol.

Megan said...

Oh gosh, you hit straight to my heart with the listening thing. I have gotten better about not "talking" when people are gossiping, but I am the same way. I want to know. I need to know. But really, that isn't any better than being the one doing the talking!

Becky [This Road Called Vida] said...

I can relate! The whole gossip thing is so true... you're still gossiping even if you're just listening. Thanks for that reminder! You put me in check without even trying. =) Missed reading your posts! You're so insightful!

Jossie said...

I have mixed feelings on this. In a way, blending in with those around you is a great trait to have. It makes others comfortable around you. I notice that sometimes I do it too, but it's more of a way to relate to others, not to necessarily fit in. I still feel like I'm being true to myself but creating a comfortable atmosphere too.

And, gossiping is SO hard! I have a friend who is ALWAYS talking about others and I'm with you....I want to know but I don't. And then I know if she it talking about others with me, she is talking about me with others. Yuck :-( It's hard to speak up....I feel your pain.

hannah love said...

I just read through 2 Timothy 2 and Paul writes a lot on godless chatter :) It's a good read.

I think you need to ALWAYS be yourself. Although this is easier said than done. I mean, more than likely those people who are gossiping and what not, they're not sure how to be themselves either... so sometimes you've got to take charge, be yourself and they'll realize they can be themselves too!

angie on maui said...

I'd like to say that I refrain from gossip, but I'd be a big, fat liar if I did. While there is a part of me that believes it is human nature to be curious about this kind of conversation, I am also the first to admit that it's a total cop-out. Gossip is gossip, is gossip. And none of it is ever good. And yes, I am still guilty in partaking. :( So hard to type that!

Do you find when you’re around a new group of people that you change a little bit? Yes. I wish I didn't, but I struggle with wanting to be liked.

If it does, do you eventually fall back into who you are, or keep with your new persona since it fits better with that group? Once I feel comfortable, the "real" me tends to come out and people come and people go.

Or do you stay true to who you are from the beginning? It's very rare for me to have an immediate connection with someone where I am comfortable enough to be 100% me, but it HAS happened before, so I know it's not impossible. I just wish I had more of those connections in my life!

What a great, thought-provoking post!


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