Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dogs vs Cats

My momma sent this my way and I about died laughing. I’m a cat person…though I’m very allergic to them..not to mention I’m allergic to dogs too..but since I don’t really like dogs {gasp} it doesn’t bug me since I’m never near them. {am I going to lose followers for that statement?} But I’d love a cat… *sigh*

Maybe you’ve seen this, and maybe you know where it came from (and if you do, let me know so I can link back to it) but enjoy the read!

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The Dog's Diary

  8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
  9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
  10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
  12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
  5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
  7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
  8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
  11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now ...

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14 comments:

Wendy said...

Bahahaha! This is hilarious! And rather accurate, I do believe! :)

I'm a cat person too. :)

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Lol...your mom has the best sense of humor!!

Annie M Culley said...

I have read this a few times and it just never gets old! Thanks for sharing!

Brhea {NoPlaceLykeHome} said...

Hahah this had me laughing out loud. Seriously, they nailed the personalities here.


I am excited to follow your blog!

Jennifer Blair said...

Hehe. So funny! And that is why I love dongs! :)

Stephanie said...

Haha! This is hilarious! I'm totally a dog person, but lately I've been wanting a cat...our neighbor has the sweetest cats who always want to cuddle. I would probably get a horribly ornery one who didn't want to be touched. : )

Daisy said...

This is so hilarious! The exact reason I don't like cats!!! They seem like they're up to something.

Lisa @ honibun@blogspot said...

I am a major dog person but don't mind cats.....I think the cat appeals to the prison guard in you!!!!!!

carissa at lowercase letters said...

this is hilarious! and so i jennifer's comment. auto correct rocks! ; )

Tabitha Mahoney said...

Umm dogs forever I am "not going to follow you" for 60 seconds as punishment. Texting you a pic of the dog I want that M refuses to agree too. Cat living bastard lol jk jk

GreenGirl said...

This never gets old! Too funny. One of the managers sent this out the other day to all of us...so funny...

Lindsay said...

So funny, my mom sent this to me too!

twiggy@thedirtlife said...

hahahaha!! and this makes you want a cat?!

Megan said...

Dogs are so much better! Obviously!!

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