Its a struggle not being defined by the mighty dollar. I sit here at my desk every day and there are days I have a hard time justifying any pay at all. Its an easy job. Not just easy, its cake. I took a job ran by someone who couldn't handle it, and completely changed it into a well running position. So much so that I never have any work to do.
When I say never.. I mean never. If there's any, I do it in a matter of 30 minutes. That leaves me approximately 7.5 hours left in my day for... other things? They told me when I was hired that I was 'overqualified'. I'm sure many of you who've had to endure a job interview has heard that before. But at that time I was so desperate for a job. I needed a company that would hire me and teach me something new, something different from a prison.
You'd be surprised how few there were that would even give me a chance once they saw my previous career was as a Correctional Sergeant for a maximum security prison.
None, in case you're wondering.
Except this one. And God had His hand in it, I know that for a fact. They gave me a chance, let me learn a whole new field and said they had so much "growth" for me. I'm overqualified, but I had what they were wanting. So I jumped on it. I accepted the low wage and brought order and peace to the office and within a couple weeks had everything cleaned, sorted and organized to the point of reducing the workload to 30 minutes a day.
I think back to the day I began throwing away papers and phone books that were from 2006 and some in the office panicking. Who is this girl who thinks she can just come in and change everything!? I had them blatantly whisper about me 4ft away, making it obvious, turning their backs with their hands blocking their lips, but say loud enough ‘I miss the way the other girl did things.’ To now, them loving my order and structure and calm I bring to the office. I even have some who value my business decisions for them, and will seek me out before acting on their choices and I think.. I’m worth more than what they’re paying me.
I have so much more to offer, but there’s that doubt, what if this is as good as I can get? When a co worker who wants to hire someone and pay them the exact same amount of money I’m making, say, ‘I get what I pay for’ in the quality of work, I question if I’m viewed “as good as what they’re paying me”.
This position this past year has been an incredibly big pride check for me. Having a position that’s viewed as lesser to some…to me even, hasn’t been easy for me. I want to scream to people who come into our office that I’m more than this! I am so much more than you think! But it doesn’t matter. I know it doesn’t matter.
Over the past couple months, I’ve struggled quite a bit with this and trust me, I know my value isn’t monetarily, or in possessions or anything the world has to offer, I know its in Christ and Christ alone. It’s one of those struggles where I know I’m not alone, but feel alone in. Where its embarrassing to talk about and one I hope never gets brought up with old friends I may run into. But one where I’m grateful for because I’ve learned so much that will equip me for the future.
Finding that balance. That’s where I struggle most.