Where do I even begin?
This is probably the most excited I’ve been in a very long time. I’ve had more pep in my step these past few days than I’ve had in years. No matter how much I wish I were uplifting and optimistic through tough times, I’m the type when handed sour lemons, I don’t add sugar to them to make them sweet, I let them sit there and rot and scowl over the whole situation of being given sour lemons in life.
It hasn’t been an easy past few years for me. Ever since retiring from the department, I’ve had no direction. No idea what to do or where to go from a career that required me to escort, pat down and handcuff felons. There’s no ‘real world’ translation to that! More often than not, I’ve felt lost, confused, frustrated and broken over my situation. I had (and still don’t have) NO desire to work in an office doing ‘office’ things from 8-5 every single day. And I had NO interest in going to college to ‘better’ myself in a boring major like business or administration or criminal justice.
No matter how many times I looked into it, no matter how many times it was suggested to me (and it was A LOT), college was the last thing I wanted to do and deal with. No major was appealing, no job was desired. I still, after 14 years of adult life, HAD NO CLUE WHAT I WANTED TO BE!
Is that even allowed? How can someone… a 32 year old NOT know what they want to do!? Is there something wrong with them??
This is what I asked myself often over the past 14 years. I felt like something was off in my brain for me to never, not once have an idea what I’d want to major in and more so, what I wanted to do when I grew up.
When I was 18, I did go to college… for all of one semester. It was to play Volleyball and nothing more. I slept through classes and didn’t own books and when finals came around and I attempted to write my 8 page paper for a class, by page 6, the computer froze, losing 4 of those pages, and I said, ‘screw it’, packed my bags and flew home for Christmas break.
At 25, I attempted to get an AA in criminal justice….I was working in the prison system after all, so how hard could it be? After 1 semester of the most boring topics and classes, I stopped and never looked back.
But it wasn’t until I was in Japan in August; when I was sitting on the couch reading an article about the top 10 schools in the nation, that I saw a well known university offering a complete online program. I clicked over and began scanning the majors they offered online. The typical ones were there..the boring ones, but then I saw something different.
That was something new. As I began reading more about the different types of degrees in nutrition, I came across Nutrition (Nutrition Communications). I read it. read it again, and the little light inside started to flicker to life again. I poured over the information for a week before requesting more information, and another week before applying to the school, never telling anyone that I was doing this. I first told G-man, who was elated for me…and said to ‘spill the beans’ since I kept it from him. Then I shared it with a few others close to me.
I was afraid they wouldn’t accept me. It’s best to keep something from others when there’s a chance of getting hurt and disappointed. I waited 5 weeks before getting word…just a mere 5 days before the classes would begin that I WAS ACCEPTED and I can’t even describe to you the elation I felt when I read those words.
When I told my sister, what she said had such an effect on me because it was truth that I didn’t realize until she uttered the words.
I finally have a direction. Corrections was supposed to be my career and when that was taken away from me, I had no where to go because it didn’t prepare me for anything outside of that life. She was so thrilled I now knew where I wanted to go and honestly so am I.
So today I start my first day at Arizona State University as a freshman with 4 very hard years to look forward to that I know will be very rewarding. For the first time in my life, I know what I want to do and what I want to be and the excitement I feel over that is monumental.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
To new beginnings!
Where do I even begin?