I’m thankful for 21

Some good and bad things happened over the past week and weekend. Things that really make you appreciate all that God has given you and the time you have.

The generosity of friends always amazes me. I think sometimes I’m not worthy of their kindness so I’m always surprised when they’re so willing to drive to my house just to load 4 things in my car for me or bring a cooked meal so I won’t have to stand in the kitchen or pick up tomatoes at the store.

Then the generosity of my Savior amazes me because I know I’m not worthy, but by His Son being so willing to suffer and die for my sins has allowed me to have that ounce of worthiness to know Him and give me the confidence of where I’ll be spending my eternity.

Friday at 1pm, a fellow Officer who I went to the academy with, who was in my class and I got to know for the 4 months we were there, who I worked with, sometimes side by side at 2 prisons over 4 years, fell into Kern River and was swept away. 4 days later they still haven’t found him. He has 2 little girls, who as of yesterday, still don’t know he’s gone, in case there’s that small chance he’s found safe.

His number sits in my phone.

Over 2 years ago, another Officer I was close with, even closer with, was camping with a friend. Got up early before his friend woke up and went to ride his dune buggy by himself. Hours later, when he didn’t return, his friend went looking for him and found him overturned in a ditch with his neck snapped. I couldn’t make it to his funeral. It took over a year for me to delete his number from my phone.

In the most normal of things is when your life can change forever.

I’m thankful for
- my Savior
- my salvation
- His comfort, grace and mercy
- my family

James 4:13-15
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit."
Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that."

You hear it everywhere you go and you’ll hear it here. Love on the ones you love today. You can never be sure what the next few minutes could bring.

USS Arizona

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I once was a Sergeant

Believe it or not, I’m actually having a tough time with the realization that I’m not a Sergeant anymore. It’s who I’ve been for the past 2 years. An Officer for the past 7, and now I’m nothing.

As much as I hated telling people what I did for a living, I was mighty proud of being an Officer. Deep down I always got a kick out of watching their reactions, when I told them. And I admit, I’ve still been telling people I’m a Sergeant when they ask me or each time I’m filling out the dr.’s forms under occupation. I’m not ready to stop saying it.

On my 3rd day of ever working in a prison, I overheard an inmate say (ok, he actually said it loud enough for me to hear) that he doubted I’d last a year in prison. I would always think as each year passed, how much I wanted to tell him, ‘oh yeah?! Another year down, sucka!’ (that’s my holy and righteous side coming out, of course)

I grew so much as a person in these past 7 years. In good ways and in bad. I learned who I really was and just how strong I was as I faced all my different trials. How to stand up for myself. How to not have bright red ears for all to see when I had to confront an inmate. How to be able to get 200 convicted felons to do exactly what I said. (only took 1 month straight of screaming at the top of my lungs, but it worked!). I learned to have a voice. Have people respect me and in turn respect them.

Did you know inmates want to be respected?

I’m caught in this limbo where I don’t know who or what I am. I love not working. It’s an amazing blessing to be able to be out of the prison system. Yet, its also embarrassing when I tell someone I’m not working right now…and not married…and not a mom…It’s like they look at me like I’m a lazy no good for nothing. Someone my age should be working, if none of the above apply!

I hear how great others who I went to the academy with, are doing in their careers. Sergeants who are doing my dream job instructing at the academy. From day one I've always wanted to be an instructor at the academy. And in a way, I got to live it, only instructing at the prisons, all my fellow Officers, but it was short lived.

I know I’m lamenting a bit, but though I hated the job for the past 2 1/2 years, I loved the position. I’ve asked myself, if I’d stayed at the 2nd prison and didn’t transfer to my current one, if I would have been as miserable. And I think the answer would have been, no. Career wise, I had it made there. I could have gone far at that prison. But I chose to promote and transfer and relocate, leaving behind a golden opportunity.

I don’t like to dwell on that fact. I transferred because I was (and am) in love and knew it was the right decision for my relationship at the time. And I certainly don’t want to miss the fact that this is where God wanted me to be, I have no doubt of that. It just…likes to pop in my head from time to time.

At least I get to say I’m a “retired” Sergeant. That’s something, right?

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Care to explain yourself?

I’m very upset right now! At you, in case you were wondering!!

Would you care to explain why on earth you never bothered to mention just how great serving trays are??? And why you never bothered to mention the significance with said trays while I eat each and every meal from the couch?? And why you never bothered to get me one?

I refuse, absolutely refuse, to point the finger at me in any of this fiasco. I was completely unaware of the awesomeness that serving trays can actually be. And since I didn’t know, I’m not at all at fault here…but you! tsk tsk, so disappointed.

You can apologize to me in the comments, so we can be friends again.

It only took 12 days after the surgery and a very thoughtful and generous friend to bring me dinner on a serving tray for me to realize the enormity and benefit of these trays. They’re awesome. Hands down, the most awesome thing in my line of view right now.

I’m very reluctant to give it back to her, since it is hers after all. But it makes me want one, want one real bad!

I think I’d be perfect for an infomercial for them though. I could be that person who is flopping and fumbling and dropping her meals on the floor and couch and getting food all over the pillows I use for my makeshift table on my lap. (seriously, I need to wash these poor pillows) And I could look haggard and wipe the sticky hair out of my face with my food caked hands and look into the camera with this, ‘what is there to do?’ face.

Then voila! Enter the serving tray in all it’s prettiness and functionality. I put 2 plates, napkin, drink and utensils on my one single tray and walk with this big huge smile on my face, looking pretty and I sit down with it on my lap and don’t drop 1 piece of food. Everything stays in it’s place. I wipe my mouth all dainty like and look up at the camera with this ever so happy grin full of relief, set my tray aside without even a shifting of a plate.

Then I look happily surprised because the announcer just said I could order 2 for the price of 1.

Sold!

^via

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Its over! Its done! Its final! Its finished!

What I’m about to say is going to change my life forever.

have I mentioned I like to be a bit dramatic with news??
via

As you know, I’ve alluded to some super exciting news for the past week. Exciting to me, any way. If it makes you excited then shoot, let’s bask in this excitement together, shall we?

I have officially been approved for disability retirement! YAAAAHHHOOOOO!!
via

It’s over. No more wondering how much longer it will take.

It’s done. They’ve deemed me incapable of performing my duties anymore.

It’s final. They’ve approved me and filed the forms to medically retire me.

It’s finished. My career, after 6 months of waiting, is over. I’m officially no longer a Correctional Sergeant for the California Department of Corrections.

I can’t believe it’s finally over. It’s amazing how much God has shown Himself to me. How much I’ve learned to trust and rely on Him each and every month for everything. Money, food, strength, faith. Each and every time He delivered. Not to say I didn’t doubt or fear or plain freak out and question how I’d ever get through this time, but there He was faithfully providing for me and showing me He is plenty enough for me each day.

One major thing He taught me was learning to go from living with a $4500 a month budget to living with a $1400 a month budget. It still amazes me that I am completely content living with my new budget and stuns me that I used to spend $4500 each month. (a lot went into savings, I’m not a total spender) but I definitely was very free with my money. Anything I wanted at any time without thought. Now, if I happen to go into a clothing store, I have to figure that $30 I spent is taken out of groceries. I’m very conscious of what and how much I spend.

With this retirement, I’ll now be receiving a disability check and be blessed with insurance for as long as this disability goes on. As you may know, during this whole 6 month process, they weren’t allowing me to work and therefore have gone 6 months without any sort of pay. Knowing I’ll be getting retro paid for these 6 months will be a sweet relief.

Praise God for this. Truly! Once everything is all said and done, and I’m completely healed from this current surgery, I will finally be able to find a new job. (which terrifies me) The next couple months will be a very big transition in my life.

This is the whole reason I ever started this blog. To share the tough times, to ‘hope’ they’ll approve my retirement, to show all that God was doing in my life through it all. It’s been great looking back at some of those posts and seeing His work in my life.

So with this new chapter comes a new blog name and design, and what better way to do it but by winning an awesome giveaway!! I won a new header and button from wild and precious and can’t wait to change it all up. Yippy!! So keep an eye out for some changes in the near future. Kris from behold the metatron gets to change things up for me! I’m still working on a name. I can’t be ‘hoping’ and ‘crossing anymore bridges’ since I’ve crossed it. Yahoo!! But I’m thinking I may keep my URL, though I’m still deciding that. I always need to ‘keep the faith going’ so that just might stay. Any thoughts??

Thanks family and friends and all my new blogging friends for all your encouraging words and support through these past 6 months! I could never have done it without you!

via

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Where am I going with this?

Do you ever look around your home for inspiration for your posts? I’ve been doing it for the past 2 hours and haven’t come up with anything. Odd that 7 tables, a bench, tv, couch and a front door aren’t inspiring a deep post from me.

Is it odd I just realized I have 7 tables in my little living and dining rooms? They all have a purpose and aren’t at all cluttering my space, promise.

On one table in particular is a hilarious get well card. The ever so sweet and insanely hilarious Tatiana mailed me a little care package. All the essentials if you ask me!
Inside the card says, ‘I hope you get the color back into your cheeks real soon.’

I cracked up laughing. (as you can see, that’s 1 of 7 tables) Thank you sweet friend, I loved everything!

Last night I watched The Capitol Fourth 2011 on PBS for my firework fix. Did anyone catch it? I know a lot of you couldn’t see the fireworks in your areas. If you saw it, wasn’t it spectacular??

I loved the music. That coupled with the firework display kept giving me goose bumps. Or as G-man says, chill bumps. Or does he say chill bumps for goose bumps and goose bumps for chill bumps…? I never can remember. It gave me the chills! Maybe it is chill bumps, then.

Since we’ve established this post has no substance (beyond you of course, Tatiana) I figure I’ll prepare you for tomorrow’s deep, deep deeep post. Ok, it’s not deep at all!

I get to tell you my exciting news! I’m super excited over it and can’t wait to share it with you! It’s only life altering information.

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I’m thankful for 20

Happy 4th of July everyone!!! It is HOT today! Stay cool, use that sunscreen and enjoy those fireworks! I absolutely love the fireworks, especially the loud boom. Absolute favorite part!!

Last year on this day, I had the privilege of sitting on a lanai with my love, watching an amazingly beautiful firework display. I wish I were there with him right now. He already left to go back home, and ironically will be in the air during the show, so neither of us get to see them this year. It’s safe to say, I’m missing his company.

I’m thankful for:
- G-man being here over the weekend to take care of me and give me some great company.

- Everyone who has generously been bringing me dinners every night as I recover.

- All the well wishes and prayers for my recovery.

- God’s sufficiency. He is enough for me to do all things.

Since it is the 4th I’ll leave you with the great pictures from last year’s Magic Island fireworks show in Honolulu. I wish you a safe and fun day!




The reflections off the water are so beautiful!






Proud of the red, white and blue!


The colors in the water are perfect.


The finale.


Thanks for letting me relive it and following along with me!


Good news: my exciting news I mentioned has been confirmed and I get to tell you this week! Hooray!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY ALL MY FELLOW AMERICANS!!

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30 to 30

It’s my birthday month. Like, for reals, yo.

And look at who’s kicking off my birthday month with me.

Yup, I found a picture of his backside. That’s right! He’s real…I know some of you were thinking I made him up with the whole ‘no pictures’ thing. (We were in England freezing our tails off walking around a massive castle.) note to self. do not visit Europe during one of the worst winters in history.

But yes, he’s here!! He got in late late last night and I couldn’t be happier. He just got back from 2 weeks in “Y” country and I’m so thrilled to start my month with him. What better way!?

He only gets to be here for the 4th of July weekend, but I’ll take the time I have. His mission and he jumped at accepting it, is taking care of me. G-man said, he had to come because he wanted to take care of me for a change. I’ll happily let him.

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty! In 30 days, I’ll be 30 years old on the 30th of July.

Do you see how important this birthday is going to be!?? I have to do something major to celebrate. I’ll never turn the day my birthday’s on again so let’s hear some ideas.

What should I do to celebrate this once in a lifetime birthday?

What did you do when you turned your day? (am I the only one that thinks I need to do something for turning the # of my day?)

Should I scale Mt. Kilimanjaro or something?? Ok, maybe not that, but I want it to be EPIC!

I want it to be like no other birthday I’ve had before. Throw your ideas at me, any and all! All and any!! Let’s hear whatchya got!

And you have yourself a wonderful 4th of July weekend while you’re at it!…and keep brainstorming over the weekend too. I’m patient. I can wait for you to conjure up something so great, so fantastic, so monumental that it will blow. our. minds!!! and mainly mine…cause I want my mind to blow (figuratively speaking of course)

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