Thursday, April 7, 2011

Why when I'm so undeserving

I don't know why I do it, but every time I put God in a box. A small box at that, and each time He gets out and shows me how much bigger He is than the box.

I'm sure you see my blog is not about 1 specific thing. It's all about everything random and good, painful, sad and cringe worthy. The main theme, the reason I started it in the first place was to track my struggles. It's written on the right and in my about me so hopefully it doesn't come as a surprise when you see it coming through.

I've been having a very hard time lately with finances. I see my money leave my bank account and none coming in. I know in my heart, mind and gut that God will take care of me. God will provide for me. God will sustain me and though I know it, I'm not living it.

Grocery shopping leaves me depressed and down. I no longer go out. I no longer eat. I have no desire to cook so I'll go until 8pm most days without having eaten. I don't do it intentionally, it just happens. Part of me thinks if I don't eat the food I have it will last longer and I'll save money.

Tuesday I went shopping and was so discouraged over everything. The costco samples were my breakfast lunch and dinner...until 8:30 that night.

I prayed to God all day, asked others to pray for me to rely and trust in Him, to have me stop worrying about what will happen in the next 2 months when I have no money at all and have NO IDEA where the money will come from. I told God I needed a hug.

Yesterday my friend called me and said she prayed while looking through her phone for God to find someone who would watch her kids while she got her hair done and saw my name. She said she'd pay me. I said I wish I could say you don't have to pay me but I need the money. -my pride is being worked on.-

3 hours after that another friend texted me saying she needs a house/dog sitter for a week and she'd pay me to do it.

God is so faithful. I'm crying just thinking about how He is so gracious to show me, little ol' faithless Emily, that HE will take care of me, that He is my provider and He will support me over and over again. He doesn't need to prove Himself to me but He does because He loves me.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

I am weak but He is strong!

What turns my heart around and gives me the joy I know God wants me to have is having children recite Bible verses to me at AWANA. I went last night and hearing them tell me who God is and get excited when they say the entire verse to me really warms my heart. I can't wait to experience that with my own child. Working with them to memorize verses and talk to them about Christ...and then get rewarded by throwing pies in our pastors' face. haha

If you think about it, please pray for me. To trust in His strength and His provisions.

Matthew 6:26
And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?


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9 comments:

Tatiana said...

Oh girly, having financial struggles sucks. A lot. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time with this one. I know it can be so stressful. I also know that God is so good, and that He can provide for us. I'm so glad that you trust in Him, and that you see his works coming through for you. You'll be in my prayers.

Love Unawakened said...

Wonderful post!! Praying for you! :)

Katie said...

oh girl...finances are so rough to trust God with, especially in your situation! So thankful He's challenging you and providing! :)

arielle @ a beautiful journey. said...

finances are a bit of trouble....i totally understand...amen! haha, but i'm learning also to trust Him and know that He does provide.

thank you so much for sharing! :)

Sam {fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com} said...

i do pray for you. finances suck. i'm so glad you're seeing Him provide in different ways!! thanks for sharing with us :)

Ashley said...

I will def keep you in my prayers! The tough challenges we face on help us appreciate the better times! God is always there for you and is def looking out for you right now :) Keep you're head up doll! Stay positive and things will ALWAYS work out :) Have a great day!

meme-and-he said...

financial frustrations can be so trying...I am praying that God's grace is near you! I love seeing your obvious heart for the Lord! Your blog is so encouraging!

Christina said...

Definitely praying...have you looked into your local food bank? They usually have pretty good food, and it's for people who just don't quite have enough. It's a great resource. Let me know if you need any help doing research. Love you!

Jossie said...

What a great post! You are amazing :-)

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