Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Where'd you go, little bugger?

I've been sitting at my dining table doing a whole slew of nothing...staring at the computer screen, out the window, at some books, at a spider on the wall behind me.

I actually stared at it for a good 15 seconds imagining it was moving but it wasn't. Ever done that? Making your mind think a stationary object is moving..

Okay, totally naive moment: when I was young, like 12, young. I used to spin and spin and spin...before I grew up and realized how nauseous it makes me and would STOP real quick and everything would be spinning...yeah, I used to think it was a way for me to see the earth spinning.

Are you laughing at me??

Any way, back to present.

I turned back to look at the spider and he's gone. Just disappeared. Where'd the little bugger go!?

The other day I watched 1 spider work a web on my bedroom wall. I didn't have the heart to kill him yet. When I saw him again later that morning, he was resting from all the work. I didn't have the heart to kill him then either. When I went back...he was gone, little bugger.

Clearly he didn't abide by our agreement we made that I would eventually kill him.

I did set one free this morning. He was 1/2 dead any way and right at my front door. So I put him on a paper and dropped him in the dirt.

I'm thinking the bug guy came around to spray, hence all the little critters wanting in.

Does anyone else have a designated shoe for killing spiders? I do!

I call him and still do, The spider killing flip-flop.
oooooohh aaaaaaaaahh

And yes, I have even documented some of it's missions.

Why of course I'll share one with you...so thoughtful to ask.

Here he is stretching before duty.

The Enemy: If he looks big that's because he WAS big. Scary big!!

Blurry because he scared the crap out of me by moving! He apparently didn't get the stay still to photo document your impending death memo. Weird...I could of sworn I sent it earlier...

BAM! Don't enter the house of pain unless you intend to..be..in...pain.
I probably should work on that a little more. Maybe something a little more catchy.
You DEAD, sucka!

I've done extensive research and have deduced that no ordinary shoe or even flip flop will suffice. It has to be a flat sole. No grooves, indents or divots. Flat flat flat, like the earth, flat!...no wait, that's round.

Oh my gosh, we interrupt this for a ridiculous moment!! I stepped away (and you didn't even know it) to google 'flat earth' (because I was chuckling at my little flat earth joke above and...ok) GUESS WHAT I FOUND?!

People ACTUALLY believe the earth is flat and the "Round Earth theory" (as they call it) is just an elaborate hoax! Can you believe it?! They have their own society and EVERYTHING. I won't even bother linking their lame site, but people, seriously...you need help!

And we're back.

I do have to say that the flip flop pictured above has officially retired and handed down it's respectful duties to his grandson, whom I'm proud to say is upholding the family name with honors.

Does anyone else keep dead spiders on their wall for a few days as a warning to all the other spiders? Pin It Now!


Sam {fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com} said...

hahahaha...this is awesome!!

my spider killing process goes a little like this: scream. hop on nearest chair/counter/sofa. yell, "HUSBAND." close my eyes while he takes care of business. eat ice cream to deal with the stress.

Tatiana said...

Yes, yes. I am laughing at you. What crazy person has a shoe designated especially for killing spiders? You do.
Oh, and also my roommate and I did in college.
Ok, now you're not that crazy.
And the world is flat? Yeah, I guess there are people more crazy than you and I out there.

meme-and-he said...

haha way to go! You showed him. I was going to say..you are going to get a reputation with spiders that you don't kill!! Glad you set it straight :)

Janine said...

The picture of that flip flop took me back... I remember where I was when the carnage took place,..I'm having flashbacks. I'm sure he retired with honor and can now sit on the front porch and enjoy his grandflops.

Mamarazzi said...

whoa...spider killer. i knew you were a bad ass!


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