Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What the bleep?!

Was that offensive to you? If I told you, in my head I actually said ‘bleep’, would that make it less offensive? No? Ok, I’m sorry.

My normal schedule of nothing all day every day is no more and I’m overwhelmed. Overwhelmed that just about every single day I have something going on that starts right at 10. Overwhelmed that I’m not home doing what I do normally but out and about. Overwhelmed at my impending schedule that will only get worse by 50 within a matter of days!

I’m organized. I kinda pride myself on it, but seeing my schedule go out the window has turned me into the most unorganized person and I’m…wait for it….overwhelmed! I don’t even know where to start. Make a list? Ok..but my mind just went blank! And when I actually think of something TO write down, I’m not in a place to do so.

Also, right now, I’m very tired of tap tap tapping out my lists on my iPhone. I’m longing for paper lists. To see, to achieve, to scribble out when done. Not this click, backspace backspace, click..’no auto correct, that’s not the word I want’, backspace, click click.

Then there’s my finances that’s overwhelming me more. Oy vey! Dear God, what have I done!? October was a stupid month. Stupid because I was stupid. I overindulged. Stupidly. With each swipe of my card..or in most cases, typing it out, because this girl has her debit card number memorized, that’s right… I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn’t get yet another thing. But I went and did it any way. Telling myself November will be better.

Now November is here. Now I have a very clear understanding of my finances. Clearer than October because my beer goggles are off and I can see the damage that’s been done. But the storm is still brewing. The damage is about to get a lot worse.

After 8 long months of calling repeatedly to my work specialist regarding the state overpaying me a lot of money and never hearing back from her…ever, she finally calls me earlier this week (only because I told her supervisor about her lack of job doing) and blames ME for never taking care of it. She blames me! SHE. BLAMES. ME! If I didn’t have someone in the car with me when she told me that, who knows what I would have said to her.

Regardless of all of that poo, its now expected I pay back the large amount Monday. Do we need to refer back to October to know how that’s gonna play out??

The day I got the call, my friend and I were on our way to practice shooting each other and lets just say I was a horrible model. Pretty much the majority of my pictures have this expression.
em19

Or this and this..
em20

em22

Out of about 100 pictures, 80 have this blank stare. I made it for a fun day, I know it.

I realize I need to let God take care of everything. I have already have several verses go through my head about worrying, stress, giving it to Him. I know what needs to be done. I haven’t yet felt ready to give it over… Does that make sense? Like talking to Him is just the most difficult thing for me to do, right now.

I’m just being honest.

I had a far more upbeat post for today, where I officially introduced you to my new cowl (bought *cough in October cough cough), but this is me right now. I’ll introduce you tomorrow.

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11 comments:

LeAnna said...

Ugh and {hugs} and step away from the card. Maybe it will be a good thing for you to be busy. When I first went from working to being a sahm, Hubby will tell you our online purchases quadrupled. I coped with the change by shopping online, not good, yo! I started making myself get out of the house, even if it were to drive around the neighborhoods (because driving to walmart isn't cheap). So maybe your newfound business will be a Godsend.
Sorry about the incompetence of the state worker and hopefully they'll give you some more time to pay them back. {hugs}

Natalie said...

Will be praying for you =) I totally understand how you sometimes just want to lash out at people who are being rude (*cough* since I nearly did that the other day myself). Why can't people just do their jobs???

The Blogivers said...

Boo, hate times like that... just remember that it is a season, and hopefully things will turn around soon!

Kim {Yep, they are all mine} said...

Ugh, I'm sorry :( I hate it when everything is seems to be going wrong.

Tatiana said...

What the bleep for reals! That's no bueno sister friend. I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.
I still have such a hard time controlling my spendings. Going to 1 1/2 incomes and adding another pricy family member put a dent in your bank account. And I was so not used to that. I was never an over spender. Ever. The problem with me is that no matter if I have a lot or a little money, I spend about the same. So this kinda sucks when you've got so little to go around.
I believe that you'll make it through and that all this will be a thing of the past. Not to mention you get to see your man soon :-) That's gotta make things better, ha?

Sam {fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com} said...

oh no :(

i hate this for you. super suck.

i do have to say, though, that cowl is hawt! love it.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Sounds like a lot of going on...hoping that God takes you through this storm safe and sound and stronger in all sorts of ways...the blank stare definitely worked for how you were feeling that day I think:-(

angie on maui said...

Hey Love,

So sorry to read about what you're going through. Finanical stress is the absolute WORST (I learned the hard way right out of high school when I got my first credit card and saw it as "free money" - wwhhheeee!). I totally feel your pain. However, it will do you NO good to beat yourself up about it (and go easy on the self-bashing...that's my friend you're talking about). You are NOT stupid. Sometimes, we just make poor choices; that doesn't mean we're incompetent. Take things one step at a time. It is what it is. So you messed up a little bit in October, but I'd bet my right arm that you've LEARNED from this, correct? THAT is what matters.

As for the state error in the overpayment...I have a good feeling that they would much rather put you on a realistic payment plan as opposed to NOT getting payment at all. Trust that it will all work out; the purse-strings may tight for a while, but things could always be worse.

On a much lighter note, that cowl is gorgeous! :) Don't feel guilty wearing it; you rocked that red cowl like it was your job!

xoxo

carissa said...

there goes the government again. geesh! i'm so sorry you have to be the recipient of their inefficiency.

God has your back!!! i say that to remind myself of His provision too.

i, too, crave paper lists. i was organized until i became a mom. now i'm a mess. but, it's actually more freeing to live without the burden of my type a-ness. haha!

at least you look pretty even if you're upset.

things will work out!

Megan said...

Ughhh. I'm so sorry. And sorry that I'm just now reading it! I'll say a prayer for you!! But I still think your face is cute. : )

meghan said...

I'm so sorry, Emily. This seems like a lot to be going on. Everyone has bad months financially. September was a really bad month for me where I just spent and spent. I did better in October because I was able to look back at what I had spent September on and know where I had wasterd money. Do you use mint.com? You should. It will track all your expenditures so you can categorize and budget.

That's also not fair that she blamed you for getting paid too much. Clearly it's her job and you were trying to do something...I totally would have treated that money like it was mine too, not knowing that they would ask me to pay them back. I'm so sorry.

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