Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My days are numbered

It’s right around the corner here, people. The turmoil that’s going on inside this little body of mine is indescribable.

Ok, it’s easily describable, really. I’m indifferent. I only have 3 days left of being a 20 something. 3 days left of being in the ‘young age’. 3 days left of the dreaded and or awesome (depending on who you are) age of 29.
via hostessblog

G-man said something to me a few weeks back don’t remember….ah, shoot! is it because I’m getting old!? Son of a monkey’s uncle! People! I’m losing my memory already!

This can’t be good. What’s the vitamin you take for memory!? I find this a little disconcerting. I’m concerned, concerned I tell ya!

So anyhoo, crazy moment has passed, (touch and go there for a moment) and I feel that I’m not 30 (well, I guess I’m not just yet). But my sis and I had a deep conversation that I DO remember, only because I saved all the texts. So here’s a taste of why I don’t feel I’m ready to be a 30 year old.

Sis: Getting excited? You’re going to be the big 30
Me: I don’t feel I’m old enough to be 30 yet…
Sis: Whatever!!! lol
Me: ..just saying I don’t feel I’m going to be 30. 23 maybe. Me and 30 haven’t become full friends yet.
Sis: You need a husband and a few kids and you’d feel it I’m sure!!
Me: True dat! I’m sure with that will come the ‘maturity’ I feel a 30 something would have.
Sis: lol, maturity?! Puh!
Me: Not literal maturity mind you but the maturity of ‘responsibility’, ya feel me?
Sis: Yup
Me: So until that time I’ll feel like a little girl playing a grown up turning 30
Sis: Sounds like fun! Can I play?
Me: Sure thing. The more the merrier.

End convo. Did you stick around for all that? That pretty much sums up what I’m feeling. And then the no career path anymore, just makes me feel like less of a grown up.

This is not how I envisioned my life at this age. It’s not for the better or for the worst, its just so far from what I thought it would be like and I think the “ideal” life of a 30 year old woman is being held over my head a bit.

I realize I stopped at the age of 15 for what I learned each year and I said I’d continue on, but let’s be honest, I don’t feel like saying each and everything I learned at each age.

I’ll sum it up with this. I learned A LOT in those 15 years. How to live on my own, establish my home and how to be independent. And make it through the most challenging aspects of my life.

I bought my first place, was a landlord, and dealt with a short sale. I watched my credit go from fantastic to horrible in just a matter of a couple months and slowly build it back up with being smart. I’ve learned how to be completely debt free and am happy to stay that way.

I’ve learned to love and learned to deal with hurt and pain. How to make it through disappointment. How to deal with my life being threatened on a daily basis at work. Who I can trust and not. I’ve learned to be solely dependent on my Savior and know that although I don’t get my life, He does.

I’ve learned to communicate, be honest and sincere. I’ve learned that giving feels so much better than receiving and selflessness is something I enjoy being but need to learn more of. I’ve learned being fit and healthy is very important to me. I’ve learned that I value my quiet time alone and routines will always be my preference. Organization and cleanliness is a necessity and anything chaotic, I avoid.

And I’ve learned that after 29 years, I still enjoy waking up at 3:02am to wish myself a Happy Birthday and know I’ll continue to do it for years to come.

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Natalie said...

Love the new banner! And I'm sure you would feel more like 30 if you had the mini van full of kids =)

Amy @ dwell in the season said...

Cute new blog look! I was way confused at first, then realized it was YOU! :)

The Blogivers said...

The big reveal! Looks great. Enjoy your last few days of being a 20-something :)

Sam {} said...

the new blog!!!! yay! and happy (almost) birthday :)

carissa said...

cute new blog. keep your chin up. i hope God will bring you the desires of your heart in these 30's you're approaching. and really, 30's are certainly the new 20's. : ) happy birthday!

Becky [This Road Called Vida] said...

Preach it, sista! =) "I’ve learned that giving feels so much better than receiving and selflessness is something I enjoy being but need to learn more of."
I feel the exact same way...
And, don't worry about the "ideal" life... i'm sure your life is just as amazing as is. . . mainly because you're moving forward with a world of wisdom under your belt! ... and all of that gained in just 30 years. =)

Young People in Love said...

urgh. I TOTALLY know how you feel. Turning 26 was terrifying this year. I'm OFFICIALLY closer to 30 than 20. HOlee crap.

Megan said...

Ahhhhhh!! I love the new name and design!! This is SO SO adorable!

gr8day2save said...

It looks fabulous! Wishing you many blessed days!


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