How can I go and run/walk around a track with little pain but 10 steps on asphalt and I want to stop it hurts so much!?
I don't understand this pain. Why I have it. What triggers it. It's really irritating to deal with. It's obviously a career killer.
But that was only a small part. It's funny what can put me in a bad mood. Like the fact I only had 2 glasses of water today. I normally drink 5-8. Or I was really really hungry and hadn't eaten since 9:30 this morning. Or that I'm doing this 'product review' for my love on his Jawbone ERA Headset
that came in the mail today and it's driving me BONKERS! It's apparently a great bluetooth. But for some freakish reason, my ear refuses to hold it in. No matter what piece I put in to fit in my ear it falls right out. I have no doubt he'll love it. He doesn't have lame ears but I'm so glad this isn't mine. It would have been thrown across the room and maybe hit a wall.I noticed once I realized I was getting in a bad mood I started to do things on purpose to make it worse. Like knowing I need to drink more water but not. Starving but not getting up to make me something. I'm freezing right now, but I won't turn on the heater or the fireplace so I stay cold. (still haven't done that by the way) Or realize I've wasted away another day and not studied! (What I'm studying is for a later time) and on and on.
So I was willingly staying in a really bad mood and having it grow into it's own monster. I finally had to put my foot down and scold myself. "You LAME-O!" I said. "Knock it off!!"
And so I did.
The next accidental thing I did that would have added to the bad things of my day, I made myself chuckle at it. It's amazing what a little chuckle will do. Even if you have to force it out a bit. I'm on my 4th glass of water, I ate a late lunch an hour ago and the darn bluetooth is sitting next to me on the couch. I still feel like I could cry at any moment but at least the grumpiness is gone. Ugh, I hate the cry at any moment days.
Alright...update with the Jawbone
. I just used it. The frustration was coming all back sticking it in my ear but talking on it proved to be pretty cool. So far so good on the review.Any way it's just been a sad day. I read on fitnessfoodandfaith this morning that her friend died from cancer. It's a beautiful post, the video of her and her husband dancing is a tear jerker. Even thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes. I'm so thankful to know she's now in Heaven with Jesus Christ her Lord and pain free. It really brings to light how lame I am with my little issues and how big I make them.
And then my uniforms. I packed them away 3 weeks ago but I'm giving most of them to another Sgt. whom I'm friends with...and who is still working. I hope she can get some use out of them. It was really sad going through them all today and sorting out which ones I wanted to keep for the memory and which to give to her.
I'm done with the job, mentally. I have been for a long time and I really am grateful I won't have to do it anymore. It's just knowing I won't wear the badge, put on my uniform with my stab-resistant/bulletproof vest or put my equipment belt on anymore. Or even....and I know this might sound lame, but my baton.
Did you know I'm a certified Baton Instructor? Or a Rangemaster?? The prison where I am now refused to let me work out at the range. Only because they had their own little "car" and I was DEFINITELY not a part of it. They are desperate for rangemasters there AND baton instructors but the guy in charge didn't like me so he never gave me the chance. What did I do to have him not like me? Transfer from a "soft" prison and walk through his office door. THAT'S IT! Any way I've been reflecting on the past 6 years and 3 prisons I've worked lately. Sorry :-/
Here's me at the range while I was working at the "soft" prison...but boy it was a great crew out there.
*Random Tip: Never point your weapon at anything unless you intend to shoot it. Pin It Now!
4 comments:
Good job kicking grumpiness out. We always have a choice...why make a choice that steals our joy? We still do it a lot nonetheless.
P.S. Love your random tips!
It's always hard to close out a chapter in our lives, even though you've wanted to turn the page a long time ago. It's stepping out from what is familiar into the unknown, I think. I understand you so well, because we are so much alike in many respects. I hated turning in my badge & keys. Silly as it sounds, it gave me a sense of being a part of the 'big picture'. Funny thing, though, is that all the deputies that got RIF'd have brought me into the fold over at the county building. I guess I'm still part of the 'big pic', but in a different way. It will get better, as you follow the path God has prepared for you. I'll be praying, as always.
Your blog is so fun to read! Thanks!! :)
that picture is awesome :)
i'm glad you read my post, even if it brought some tears. sarah's story really has put a lot of things in perspective for me.
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