Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Our timing is off

For the past few years I’ve scrambled to get on God’s timing. But each and every time I think I’m close and feel I’m right in line and expect something to happen, it doesn’t and I’m left frustrated annoyed and deflated asking, What the heck, God!

There are some things in my life where I’ve felt like I’ve waited long enough and other things I think I can keep waiting on. I sit and pray asking when? And why? Why does it have to take so long? What is it that He’s waiting for me to learn or see or experience or grow in before I can then move on to the next step of His plan.

Because most of the time, I sit around confused. And sometimes angry.

And then I came across these verses. I’m sure I’ve read them before and I’m sure I’ve heard them before but they’ve never really stuck until the moment I came across them the other day.

2 Peter 3:8
But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day.

No wonder everything is taking forever. His day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like 1 day for Him! Its both depressing and encouraging at the same time. At least I can bring down my ridiculous expectations I’ve placed on His timing.

I still rush things. I still impatiently twirl my thumbs and I still ruin the simplest of things.

I wrote G-man a letter recounting our 1st date from my perspective. Knowing it’ll take a week to get there, I was sure to send it out so that it would arrive the day of. Even though I knew he didn’t check his mail frequently and that he was leaving the next day after it was to arrive, I was confident he’d check it before he left, thus seeing the letter.

I eagerly wait to hear he got it but he’s on the plane with no mention of the letter. Once he got back home a week later, each day goes by as I anticipate his call. But each day goes by without the word ‘letter’. 3 weeks pass since I sent it. I’m going crazy and imagine that he’s gotten it but thought it was lame and dumb and didn’t want to tell me he got it.

I know it was ridiculous to think it but insecurities are powerful sometimes. Finally on what was probably the worst hormonal day for me, Friday, I couldn’t take it anymore. Midway through our conversation, I ask with a sigh, ‘its been 3 weeks, have you gotten my letter?’

In short, no. I didn’t know he only checked his mail on Saturdays (if then) and after he insists he run downstairs to get the letter and call me back, I felt I ruined everything. If I just waited that extra day, he would have gotten it and all might have worked out the way I imagined it would.

After reading it, he called me back telling me how much he loved it but I couldn’t appreciate the moment. I was completely dejected over telling him about it when I wanted it to be a surprise.

It reminds me of all the times I want to rush God’s timing. All the times, I take things into my own hands because “I’ve waited long enough!” only to take the windiest road imaginable when I could have stayed on the straight road He had laid out for me. Its infuriating waiting but its more infuriating taking the unnecessary detours I get myself on, prolonging the plan. Not to mention how disappointed I make myself when I put expectations on God. Its insane how much I expect from Him when He’s already given me His Son on the cross. But I do.

A lot of deep thoughts have been keeping me up late at night and I know you kind of got stuck with a small taste of them, if you made it this far, but I needed to write them out. I know God is in control, its just so hard to let Him be.

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The Blogivers said...

I don't have any good examples of my own to share, but I totally know what you're saying. It's especially hard for a control freak like me to trust that He really does know best!

Natalie said...

I totally get what you mean about rushing God's timing. These days time does not feel like my friend and constantly want certain things in my life to speed up, and then other things I'd like to slow down. Living in this tension is driving me insane for sure.

Sam {fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com} said...

wise words! great example of the love letter. waiting on his timing can be so tough and confusing...i hope one day i can look back over 80+ years and see how everything was orchestrated so well by him.

Sam {fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com} said...

wise words! great example of the love letter. waiting on his timing can be so tough and confusing...i hope one day i can look back over 80+ years and see how everything was orchestrated so well by him.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

reading this post reminded how important God's timing is and nothing matters but His time...my mom always says a thousand years is not forever and it's so true. keep the faith Emily!

Claire said...

I read this post earlier on my ipod, but I had to come back and comment because it really spoke to me! (and goes along the lines of something God's been teaching me for a while now!) Loved what you wrote. It's so true of me to run ahead of God because I feel like I've waited long enough--or I feel like if I wait any longer it will be "too late". How easily we forgot who holds the world in His hand :) I heard a preacher on the radio yesterday say "Waiting strengthens our patience and lengthens our perspective." Think it was Chuck Swindoll.

Thanks for posting this!

Megan said...

Wow, wonderfully written!! I have totally been there!!!

Tatiana said...

True that. I'm SO inpatient with God's timing, but I always know that his time is the right time. It's just hard to accept it.
So glad that man of yours at least got the letter, and better yet, that he didn't think it was whack and played you. It's because he loooooves you.
Em and Mr. G-man are sitting in a tree...
Em wants to kiss him but he wants to pee...
Bahaha. Sorry, it just rhymed so well I had to do it.
Apologize to your mother for my behavior please.


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