As the day was dragging on yesterday I was getting really frustrated with myself over some things. At one point I couldn't take it and got out of the apartment and walked over to the mall. That's when the G-man called me. He asked where I was and I said I was so 'bored out of my gourd' (yes I really said that) that I went to the mall. (without any money of course...which really takes away the fun of going to the mall, but any way)
After a couple hours I return to the apt and he happened to call again and said; 'let's go out to eat tonight!' I say no, that's ok I was gonna cook, no biggie. But he insisted so I could get out of the apt. and break the daily/nightly cycle.
((I was rejoicing inside...to get out...what a happy concept!))
Once he got home from work, I show him the pictures I took from the day...and here's where the perspective came in!
After seeing them all he says as if someone just asked him.... "So where do you live?"
Ah man, it's not that great...I wake up every morning and see this out my window:
Now, you may think I'm bragging...but I'm not. I don't live here remember? But I sat there in awe because all day yesterday I was bored. I was frustrated I was in the apt. for yet another day. I was complaining, to myself, that I never do anything or go and see anything. So my day was getting ruined because I wasn't appreciating it. Or seeing the joy in it. Or the blessing in it.
God has allowed me to be here. HERE!! And yet I can find things to complain about while here. It amazes me. Another thing I'm seeing myself do, and it's blinding me right now is my fears. My anxieties. And they aren't about finances.
They're about the littlest things. It's embarrassing even to say it out loud because it shows how I'm letting these tiny fears get in the way of living, in trusting in God, in God being in control.
I'll look out the window and watch people go by. I'll see kids do the thing that I have anxiety over. People of all ages, sizes, men women, bums! I look at them all with a little bit of envy and awe and think...'how do they do it? Aren't they afraid they'll hit someone, crash, or a car will get them?'
Have you guessed it? It's riding a bike. Now, I can ride a bike just fine! It's the riding of the bike with traffic, with pedestrians with all things around me that makes me anxious.
It's crazy right?! I know. It's really silly. I tell myself it's silly AT LEAST 100 times a day. And I WANT to go riding and get out and get away from the apartment that I've confined myself in but I freeze every time! EVERY TIME!!
Where's that full surrender? Where's the trust in the Lord that He'll take care of me? You may think, 'oh come on. It's just a little fear of riding a bike. It doesn't get in the way of God working in you.'
No? You don't think so? The tiniest fear, doubt, uncertainty will have a major effect on your relationship with God. It's telling Him, I know you're God and everything but I don't fully trust you with this. OR I don't really think you'll take care of me so I'll just keep fearing what 'may' happen.
1 Peter 5:6-7 says
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
He CARES for me! So why wouldn't I want to give Him all my troubles?! It's so much easier to hand over the big huge things of my life like my job, my finances, my disability retirement and all that comes of that, my relationships, but when it comes to the small thing of riding a bicycle in public I freeze and hold on to it like it's my whooby. When really, He wants me to let HIM be my whooby. Holding onto Him, for the comfort, the security, the protection that only HE can give me.
Lesson learned Lord, lesson learned. After I fix my hair (I know...I still haven't yet) I'm going to go ride around the park. yes I will! And to prove it, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. =)
*Random Tip: Take a look at yourself first before you judge another. Pin It Now!
2 comments:
Dang Ill come sip coffee with you anytime!
Hope your ride is nice!
great post, girl! happy weekend :)
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